What If Your Worth Was Never Up For Debate

The lie sounds small at first: I’m too much. I cost too much. I’m not worth the fight. But once that belief settles into your body, it starts steering everything, your relationships, your boundaries, your voice, and even what your kids quietly learn from watching you.

We’re talking core wounds and the real patterns they produce, especially disorganized attachment, that push and pull of craving deep connection while bracing for pain. I share what hit me hard during a church moment that exposed how my own unhealed unworthiness was echoing in my children. From there, we define what a core wound is, how childhood experiences, abandonment, and trauma can plant a “core lie,” and why self silencing can be a survival strategy that becomes a prison.

We also go straight at the father wound and the ways our earliest “covering” can shape what we expect from men, including the double standards that breed bitterness. This isn’t about bashing men, it’s about naming the spiritual and emotional root, putting people in their proper place, and refusing to keep negotiating our standards just to keep someone close. You’ll leave with journal prompts to identify the lie, trace where it started, and face how refusing to heal affects your peace, your work, your friendships, and your family.

If you’re ready to stop placing your worth in the hands of people who can’t hold it, press play. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a review, what core lie are you ready to write down and challenge today?

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Not just a little, but greatly

Not just today, but forever

Not just by some,

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And HE's Not The ONLY One

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Transcript

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Welcome And A Healing Update

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of B Clay. It's your girl Elisa. See, I'm better. Yes, it's the girl Lisa and welcome. Thank you. So um, I don't have any updates. Actually, I do. I have one. So remember um an episode I was talking about in 2024 with my children's, with my twins birthday party, and hopefully that I will actually begin to learn the um lessons from what from then, and I'm gonna let you know that I have. Well, with the Trump party and things like that, as far as we had to change the date three times, right? Three times, and so um so but you know, I still did not, we didn't even have that same mindset of like, oh, nobody's gonna be there for me, but you know, none of that, like we didn't go through that. Um, I'm reminding myself to remind people, um, and things like that. And I said that there, and it actually is coming handy because like things there, people are showing that they're there for them, even since I changed it three times. Um, and some of the reasons why they can't come is because the dates kept changing and things like that. But with all that being said, I went to update and say that this and I when I'm talking about healing and actually applying those things once you're healed, uh, that um we're here. Okay, we're here. So with all that being said, um, let's begin.

Faith Became Non Negotiable

SPEAKER_00 2:26

So, you know, in the prelude, I did a prelude. I shared, excuse me, I'm sorry, you guys. I shared the moment that when at 15 years old, that I surrendered to God after he met me in the darkest night of my life, and in that moment my relationship with him became a non-negotiable. I knew that without a shadow of doubt, you guys, that I was loved and chosen by God because he literally fought. He fought hard to be in a relationship with me. He literally uh he fought hard, right? So if you didn't hear the prelude, please go back to listen to that so you can understand what I mean when I say that he fought to be in a relationship with me. So I understand by understanding that the hard truth is that um I had to face as I grew up that even after making that commitment, then I started to negotiate. At 15, I said that it was non-negotiable, but I realized that I began to negotiate somewhere along the way. I took my value, which was already settled, after cross-which, and I began putting it into the hands of men. So um I came to the realization, understanding that I started compromising my spiritual death and my standards just to fit into relationships, um, just to be accepted and to avoid being, you know, too much, right? Um, I knew in my head and in my mind that God valued me. But however, like my actions was really showing that I was still seeking validation from people who just didn't have the capacity to value me properly. So now we here we are in the summer of 2025, and that compromise had basically

When Unhealed Wounds Hit Home

SPEAKER_00 4:41

caught up with me. Um, after sitting in the church during that counter night, which I explained in the previous episodes, how I watched my children go up there for prayer and it was revealed to me um that something that is shared in me to pieces, right? That they feel unworthy because I feel unworthy. And um hearing that, like hearing that exact line, they feel unworthy because you feel unworthy. Just shared in me. And so being as though that I haven't said it out loud to them, but it's my unhealed wounds that um that were speaking for me. That was my wake-up call, you and I had to stop running, like stop compromising and get down to the absolute root of my core wounds. So in this episode, we will get into exactly all of that. So um because I didn't understand. Now I I explained to you, um, and I will get back to if I need to, but um I explained to you about my disorganized attachment style, and then I basically uh I wouldn't say I put like the foot. I mean, because when I learned what I was, I was head-on. I wouldn't say that I um put the foot off it, but I was working through things and then um slowed down a bit, but I think it was really coming more evident of like still what this is because I got this is when I understood, I didn't understand what this was until like um a lot of things that was going on during the summertime that caused me to go back to you know research about um disorganized attachment style, and this is when I learned about core wounds, and that was actually explaining

Core Wounds And Disorganized Attachment

SPEAKER_00 6:51

the season I was in. Well, if you if we can call it a season, but that place that I was in during the summer of 2025. So, what is a core wound? A core wound is a deep-seated, like uh like a painful, you know, a deep painful belief about what you think about yourself, right? That basically was developed or formed from you know different childhood experiences and um the different things that you have been through, trauma, you know, abandonment, things like that, right? We what we do is we form it's a lie that forms like the foundation, right? Or like right in your like in your heart, and you just like walk in it. Things like I am unworthy, right? I'm safe, or I have to prove my value, um, things like that, those things um that we say, um, but there's a root, and I and I'm talking about core wounds again, not core wound, but core wounds. There's multiple things is usually that cause you to form a lie or lies, because like multiple lies, right? Um, that you begin to believe in. And so when you carry these wounds, they created like a they created these wounds have created, they can create any attachment style, right? They can create the anxious, the um disorganized, or the avoidant, but we're disorganized, right? I won't, I am, I well, I'm not today. Oh no, not today, thank you, Lord. But we were, right? This is what we were. We were the disorganized attachments. We still and um and so I had craved, I crave deep connection, like with people and love, but at the same time, you know, like connection was scary because I could never like fully trust anybody. Um, anybody that I got connected uh close to or anything like that for the most part. Um they brought me a lot of pain. Pain came with it. A lot most time, most people. There's like one or two, three people, whatever, not in each area, but somehow it comes with pain. So I always expected pain. I always expected pain, and um, so I feared it, and so I pull people close because I like them more to be close, and I like their relationships to some degree, and you know, but then when it gets real or feels unsafe, I retreat and I self-silence or shrink. And this is the biggest thing that um, and so we're really getting down to the nitty of the core wounds of why I self-silence, like or I silence myself, or just shrink, you know what I mean? Um, and this means because these core wounds is really more my spiritual self than my natural self, because in reality, my spiritual self, and this is why I did the prelude, because growing up, it's like I want to talk to the natural, right? People say I want the natural one, like but the natural and the spiritual is we're the same person. I mean, we have our flesh, yes, but if you walk in the spirit, you find the spirit, and you have the spirit, you basically have spiritual fruit, but if you walk at the flesh, right? That's what the Bible talks about. And so my desire was not to be walking in the flesh all the time. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we have our moments, but that's not my desire to be walking in the flesh. That's not my desire. I don't know about everybody else, but that's not my desire. A lot of people's desire is just to walk in the flesh and just like you know, have no desire, real desire to actually walk in the spirit. A lot of people don't, but that's not me. That's not me. We finally figured it out. That's we can't we can't function just walking in the flesh, right? We talked about that. So here we are. So as we can now I'm looking what caused me to begin to understand, well, even started to define my core wounds and identify is that um I had to, I began

Double Standards And The Real Enemy

SPEAKER_00 11:51

looking at my patterns with men. Some issues, things came on that had me sit down and had to think. Right? And then I realized I started to start with my dad because what I learned is like a heavy double standard that I just assumed that all men are like um that women they like they're ex they're they're um often expected to be like perfect, right? Perfect to keep, like we gotta keep the house, we always gotta keep our confidence, we gotta keep everything together. And even and and even when we are, we might have a moment or a season or a time frame where we're broken, depressed, um, from whatever, we don't get grace, like no grace from men. It's like they it's to assume like, and even if they're breaking us, like if they beating us up verbally, emotionally, whatever case may be, um, that doesn't even go into uh like that doesn't even go into the measurements of why we as women are not showing up the way they expect us to be showing up. And so um this is what I learned. This is what I learned. And I'm not even gonna talk about it now, but even in my own marriage, this is what I learned and was walking in or manifesting in, but we'll get into that later in another series. But with all that being said, but I'm just saying I only bring it up because like it started with my father, and then like it trans, but like it started off me what I learned through him, and now I'm like manifesting through my marriage, like a transfer to them. Which you know, that's a happy burden, but we'll get into that. That's a whole nother series, you guys. Um, I definitely want to get into that, but yeah, um, that's also gonna be in with some of the things I'll talk about as far as um the women's series that I will start very soon. Probably will start that in September. Yeah, probably start that in September. So meanwhile, right, um this is what I learned from this is what I learned from men. That you know, they just it's like now don't get me wrong, I do understand and know that they have their own unhealed, you know, childhood trauma, and but they still expect us to fix it or just like endure their projection. And um what this summer has really done a lot for me, guys. I'm trying to tell y'all. Um it it did, I'm I'm talking like this because it was very, it was a very it was much of an eye-opener to really get down to the degritty and understand these core wounds and where things come from to really begin to identify to go to the root of the things. Um, because I just remember me in the car crying as I um was like because I was just putting all men into one boat, like no one will ever be there for me, um, no one would ever cover me the way I need to be covered, like no, they would never because one thing I I learned was that um I guess just by me being me and especially with the spiritual having calling on my life and me walking in it, and I'm just walking it for the most part because that's you know, I desire to walk in and get the return on his investment. Um, but I guess what happens, and this is throughout my life that it um that it's I guess I don't know, it uh challenged, right? And challenged them and then to um it challenged them, right? And I guess in a way I was trying it it by me when it it was holding them to or not just men like my dad, whatever, but even leaders supposed to be in my life, like leaders, and I'm talking about spiritual leaders in my life, that it challenged them to because of to a higher standard, a higher spiritual standard, and so instead of just becoming that spiritual standard or work on their own part, what they did was I realized they just silenced me through abuse, emotional, physical, um verbally abused. I was silenced now, um, and often met with like or you know, with a lot of resistance, um and it made me feel like I was a problem. So I walked around. Remember, you I am too much, I cost too much, and I'm not worth it, right? I'm not worth the fight. This is what these are my core wounds, this is what started. Now, I want you to understand as you're listening, right? As you listen to me talk, and I really want you to understand because I know when I start talking to people, they'll be like, this is why I can't stand men, and this is this is not, I'm not here to bash them. I'm really not. I'm not bashing the men, and even as I was going through this, I definitely didn't want to bash them because understand this, and I keep saying this, you're gonna keep hearing me saying this, okay? No, I'm not bashing them, and I'm not hating them because I don't. But what you have to understand is that men were once boys who grew up in a very broken system as themselves. They was basically groomed and raised without the proper tools to really heal their own core wounds, and so they didn't know how to heal. They didn't know how to heal. Who taught them? You know, like who really taught them? Who really was keeping because only for most of what I'm learning that only really God can really hold them, I mean hold them real accountable, and so um, but we won't get into that because it really again was learning the role of a woman. Um then I was learning this here, um, because women was mothers to these boys that grew up into men that all they knew how to do is abuse. Now, by them abusing and having this double standard, they had to learn it from somebody, right? So um now, but I I was beginning to learn my purpose, so and and in a way that, okay, so God has caused me that even my walk, even when I'm trying not to, I'm trying to, even when I'm trying not to so hard, I try not to so hard to challenge people. And I'm just being me. I just love God again. I told you because I'm playing with him, because he'll play with me, and that's all I'm doing. But I guess that's doing challenge those who don't. I'm not really trying to, but I guess it is. But I what I was doing is I was carrying it, um, something that didn't belong to me. Um, especially as we're from the men, because they're supposed to be covering me. So, you know, as my brother, right? As um as a father, you know, they as my leader, they're supposed to be covering me and protecting me. But that's not what was happening. Um, again, like I said, I'm not trying to be like, oh my god, I was bashing, but I'm talking about we're talking about core ones where things had stared from. And while I walked around, I'm just too much. I caused too much. So um, because we have to understand, you guys, we do not fight against flesh and blood. Do you understand? So we're not, I'm not here to bash the man. Okay? I'm not, because we don't fight against flesh and blood. Simple as that. Uh, and and and that's the thing. We ooh, I'm trying to really get into um when I start talking about the women series, because that's a that's a big thing right there. Because that's one of the things that I knew that once I really start getting into or you know, relearning that because a lot of women we just walk around, just want to be mad at men all the time. Oh, men is our problems, they always are problems, menopause, blah blah blah. They always have problems, it's always them, them, them, them, and never take again taking out completely for parts that belongs to us. Um, but no, we we there's some things that blown us. Um but we're gonna get to that. Be prepared, baby girls, be prepared, uh, be prepared. So um understand again, okay, and I'm gonna keep saying it. We do not fight against flesh and blood, and so we're not here to bash men, and I'm not bashing them. But I had to really start, I had to really identify uh the spiritual root of my of my problems and recognize that the real who's the real enemy, and accepting that the double standard um out of my own fear

Tracing Unworthiness Back To Dad

SPEAKER_00 21:51

of being alone, and so that's where I began to negotiate because I was. I remember asking God, saying to God, God, you always want me to be by myself. I said that multiple times. You always want to be mean by myself. So I began to compromise. I began to negotiate in a way like, well, like I know I had these high standards, and like I would lessen them to be in a relationship when I shouldn't be doing lessen them. I should just keep my standards, and um, and if they don't want to be in a relationship with me, or they don't want to, and I'm not a relationship, it's not always like physical, you know, romantic, but it could be just like friendship and stuff like that, or you being my brother and even my father, like you get what I'm saying to you? Like, why should I lessen who I am, who God created me, just so that you can want to be around me? It's you know, like I said in beforehand that he tells us to count the cost before we get into a relationship with him. Well, Jesus Himself said that. So if Jesus said, count the cost before we get in a shit with them, then you count the cost before you get into me. And if you realize that this costs too much and you don't want to be in a relationship with me, then it's okay, and I will be okay, and that's what I had to get to, and this is what I was learning. A word, you know, that's where I wanted to get to, but in order to get to that point, I had to literally get down to these core rooms, and these are these core rooms, is that I was always scared that men were never going to do what they need to do to be in relationship with me, and that means I cost too much. Now I shouldn't be taking on that say I cost so much, I should allow that to be like that's their problem, you know. Um, but that's and and not accepting something that didn't belong to me, you know. So um, and now so I beg so I began to trace my otherworthiness back to an origin, which was my dad, because um my dad uh so my dad as a as a in general not what I'll say in general, but and basically a father, right? A father is meant to be a covering and protector and a reflection of God's love and self. Um sorry, excuse me. Um, this is where I find my identity, right? A dad. A dad showed your identity. We already know in the Bible that like even the dads, the father is one who passes down inheritance and blessings and cursings, right? To their children. Um when so when we understand when that covering is broken or absent, it's not really there, especially for a daughter. Um I wouldn't even say especially for a daughter, but for a daughter, like you grow up believing that like you're too much because like where your dad at? Like, where where is he at? Um, and you too much. And that's what it was. I grew up, you know, why you step up from me, and then followed me into child and childhood from adult childhood into adulthood. And it created a cycle where I just kept entertaining. Now I'm keeping entertaining men who just didn't see my worth. Because I that's what I was, I don't know. Like my dad didn't really, now that I really think about it, like he didn't like really, um, not that he, I don't I don't know how to explain it, but it wasn't like I was constantly hearing from him who I am, and if who if it was who I am, it was more of a natural person than the spiritual person. And this is why I felt like I wasn't worth it because it's like you can talk about the natural person as straight-ass student, the one who loves football, blah blah you know, like that. But when it comes to spiritually, it's just like you know, you a lot, and that was what I was getting from my dad growing up. So there was times like even where like I wouldn't, if we're having a conversation, I would kind of like as a child, and then even more so sometimes even growing up, because now I'm all the way into God, especially after 15. I'm all the way into God and things like that. Like He's everything to me, and um you know, I'm all I'm just you know, Jesus this and that and the other. And I'm not saying I'm just for me, it's I'm not even trying to persuade you to be in God to be honest. I'm really wasn't that's on your own. That's you you you can do that if you want. But for me, after he did what that, so I'm out here and I'm singing everywhere, and I'm doing these things, I'm just doing a lot of things, and it was it was awesome, like it was amazing to be that young and then finding people was young, and we was always in church, like we just that was the best thing. It was just we was just doing a lot, so um, but I feel like having a conversation with them, especially where I was, I couldn't really get into this, like I would have to only talk about like uh casual things because now, like, you know, because you're I just what I felt like, and and I knew that even as a kid that I couldn't really go into things about God because like there are certain things that my dad would say. Remember, I told you like um that I had to talk calling and and and basically be that I was so in tune to him that I understood a lot, right? I had understood a lot. So there were some things that he was saying, which like that's not really what God was saying, but okay. That I would say that out loud, and then he feels like it feels like he feels some type of way. So then I realized that you can't say that, like you can't, you can't, that part can't bring out he was one of the main reasons why I felt like that that spiritual person had to be buried because he's gonna have a problem with that, and so the best way to keep my dad around was to be about, I mean, don't get wrong, because we know I love football, but to be about football, be about you know, be about the natural things, but that spiritual person, you you you you going to you're only gonna be at a certain level in order to keep your dad there. Now he still left and he still after a while like was distant and none of um but that was the he was the first you know the first person when I realized that I had I could not be that person, like I couldn't be my but that's who I am. Like this is who I am. Um, this is who he created me to be. And every time I tried to silence that or push it, put it on the bushel and things like that, it comes out, and when it comes out, it comes out, you know, because it's been hidden for so long. So, but he was the initiator, and this is what I had to really begin to deal with, and so um where I was like it was used to where and other men would do the same thing. They was especially like because there was maybe two instances where like um a boys or whatever, case it were malefactors, whatever, um, even as far as in my teenage years, when I especially when I got into God, who was like, you know, saw my value as who I was, and it's you know the woman of God that I am, and either one who realized, listen, this is who you are as a woman of God, I'm not about that life right. So I'm just going to, I don't want to taint you or whatever, and I value you and your relationship, and I respect you enough that we might as well just keep it where we're at, and then because I don't want to do anything, and that's what I mean about that. Like some people just still wanted me to entertain them, even though they know not gonna be the place be where they need me to be, but I need them to be in my life. You're you get what I'm saying? But they still wanted that title as a boyfriend or as a boo, blah blah blah, and but not really understanding that there's a standard that I need you to be. If you're gonna be my man, there's something that you that I need from you to be able to cover me. And if you know you're not gonna be there, then you just need to just leave me alone for the most part, or we just be, you know what I mean, friends or associates for the most part, and that's the thing. Like, I've this is the main thing that I was crying or felt the worry because I felt like even as for my father, like I mean, don't get me wrong, he did leave. So even if he left because he realized that at least saying that, like, listen, I realized that I wasn't gonna be able to be there when I need to be there for you guys, and so um, spiritually wise, even more so as that spiritual protector, I would rather, I'd rather that you get what I'm saying, because I can understand that um that you had to deal with some things in your own and whatever, and that might and I didn't get that. So, with all that being said, I finally hit um began to um uh with me understanding and now dealing with because I never sent up to nobody because again, I can't tell my dad this, but now I gotta deal with that because this is where my kids is walking in. So I I um in this summer, um, I reached out to my dad and then expressed the pain and the patterns that I realized, and um in a video and things like that, and for him, it was long too, but I had to get it all out, just the stuff that I wasn't saying to him, and um, but I wasn't expecting a uh apology, and I and wasn't doing trying to change it. I wasn't trying to change him, to be honest, and I really wasn't even trying to really persuade him to really um you know take accountability. I just needed it to come, I needed to release it because that was one of the things that was said when we was in prayer is that you need to you need a release and um you need an outlet, and I do need to release it. Um and so and I understood that I needed to do it because my healing couldn't be held hostage by his response. My children needed and deserved a healed mother, and so that meant I had to lay it all down, like lay down all the weight that wasn't mine to carry in the first place, and um, and so that's

Releasing Pain Without Needing Apologies

SPEAKER_00 33:21

what I did like in the beginning of part of the summer. Um so I I so yeah, that's what I did the beginning of the part of the summer, is I basically had to identify where these core wounds came from, why, what I felt like where they came from, and to begin to, and I reached out to my dad because he was the man, he was the first one, he's my first example of a man, right? And so, but this is the part that I never talked about. I never talked about like I never felt like I can be that woman of God. I felt like I always could be that person in the flesh, that woman of God, and I felt like you will never accept her because she's too much. That's what I felt like all my life, and so um, yeah. Um, so then the standards of where, like, in reality, I didn't want to negotiate. Like, these are my standards of who because this is who I am, a God, like I'm a woman of God, and this is it. And if you can't accept that, then by all means, you know, kick rocks. That's when I was there at one point, but then things began to happen when I didn't stay there, and I needed to get back there. I needed to get back there. Um, and so now I want you guys to grab, you know, for this part. I think y'all need to get a journal. And let's really, because let's really get down to nitty-gritty. Um, if we really were trying to heal, like let's begin to write some things down so we can get this, so we can get there. We I want everybody to be free because he is one that could set you free. And that's oh, I want everybody to be. I know everybody won't be, but it's always been my desire to everybody to be free because it's his desire. He um, you know, my daddy wants all to be saved and none of perish. So I'm like my dad, you know, I look like my daddy too. Um so if you listen, um, and right now, as you're listening, and you're realizing that they're that your peace, your relationships, or even like your children are paying for the price for your rooms that you have in face, then let's grab a journal right now and let's let's get this grant work. Let's get it started. Let's let's get this, let's get come on, let's go. Okay, let's go. You ain't gotta do it all in one day, you ain't gotta do it all in one night, you can do one at a time, but let's go again, because if you really are understanding that your children, you understand what I'm saying to you, like, and even if you don't have physical children, but if you realize there's other people that are paying the price for the rooms that you haven't identified, let's get this,

Journal Prompts To Find The Root

SPEAKER_00 36:31

let's get the work done. So, I have some questions for you. Okay, what is the core lie that you keep believing about yourself? Okay, that's what question I want. What what core lies that you keep believing by yourself? Do you say the same thing like you feel like you're unworthy? Um that you know what is these lies that you keep believing about who you are? That you're always gonna be abandoned, no one wouldn't no one really loves you. Um nobody really wants to be your friend. Because that's what people be like, I hate people. There's a reason why you hate people. Like, let's get to the reason and gritty-gritty why you feel like you hate people. So where now that we once we get to understanding with these lies that you've been telling yourself, let's get to the point of where did it actually start? Like who voices that daddy sound like? Where was it? Because there was, you know, is it daddies? Because it was a lot of times my dad, like there was different things that he would say, you know, that I was like, Oh, you can't say that, you know, or things, you know, because when I bring up all the scripture, really say this or something like that, and he'd be like, well, and then I'm like, oh, this you can't remember, you can't you can't be there every time you gotta stay here. You can't really, and when I got older, you know, to some degree, I I I got to a different level, but I still felt like that to some degree. Um, like once or twice. I think I, you know, didn't care or something like that, but I don't care now. Now I don't care, but yeah. Um so where we would say, where did where did this actually start? And where does the voice sound? Who the voice sound like? Ask yourself in what areas of my life am I still compromising? Whether it's your spiritual standards or what standards, or the spiritual standards, or any standards to keep people close. Um and how has your refusal to heal? And I asked y'all this before, so I hope y'all did the homework if you didn't. I'm asking again. How has your refusal to heal affected your children, your friendships, your relationships, your your work, your peace of mind, etc.? Like, how has your refusal to heal affected your life in total? Um, now, women, are you holding on to bitterness towards men? Because we need to get this, we really need to get this together. Um, again, like I said, like these men were boys once, and you, if you're mothers of boys and you're walking around hating men, or you're hating your son, like we really need to get this together, and we need to deal with this because you know, we're we're we're we need to get this together, girls. We we need to get this together, we need to heal, like we we need to heal because we're supposed to be the rib, but how can we as a rib, we're supposed to support, even as a neck we're supposed to support however you want to, whatever, like whatever you need, whatever does these support and supporting body parts that you need to understand. If you're broken, then they're broken, like we like let's be for real. A broken rib. Can you really how how supportive can you be if you as a broken rib? And um, if you're a broken neck, um are you really holding up a head? How? Right? So we need to we need to heal. Um, if you heal first, you're not being selfish. You you're actually doing what you need to do, and that's the thing. We're gonna get into all of that, girls, but I need y'all to understand, I need you to write that stuff down. I need you to get in journal and figure that out. What I'm why because if you're what I'm not healing from, because and I'm supposed to be, I'm supporting my man. Are you like, how can you support him broken? Like, how can you support him as a broken hip rib? So are we, you know, you gotta give him the grace to you in spite of the fact that whether they're giving us grace or not, we soon need to give them the grace for their own unhealed traumas and from childhood and things like that. Um so they can get to the root of their unhealed behavior, and we will get all to that. But I need y'all to at least begin to identify so we can start hitting those things. And um, because you have to also understand for me, and I this is one thing I really had to accept that um and I ask myself like what it looks like for me to fully, this is the question that I asked that really got me into get into the wounds, is what it looked like for me to fully accept that my worth was already settled by Jesus at the cross. That I don't need to really get my identity and from my dad, my earthly father. My identity really comes from my heavenly father. And not the men, he already sees my worth through him, which is why he fought so hard for me. Um, and now at 15, I was there, then things happened. Me being raped and my son being conceived kind of took me way back, and these things came up. Um, so I needed to get back there where I understand that my identity is not in. I don't need validation from I don't need validation from from my father, my earthly father, to for me to know that I'm worth it and that woman of God is worth it. I don't need that. It's nice, but I should not be, you know, that should that that I should not like, oh, since he's not giving it to me, then that means I'm not worth it. No. That should not define my value. My value was already defined at the cross. My value was defined in that room where he told me that he loves me. My value was even defined when he intervened so that I won't get briefed so that I can come back to him. My value was even still intervened. Um uh my value was still um identified when he kept his hand on me in spite of everything that I was doing and how much I pushed him away throughout my whole entire life. All my life, he has always been faithful, even when I wasn't faithful, because God knew I wasn't, but he still is faithful, and so as I wrap up, I want you to understand that remember that your worth was settled after. Cross.

Worth Settled At The Cross

SPEAKER_00 44:01

It was never meant to be placed in the hands of people who failed you misuse you or couldn't see your value. And understand that even if they had it and they misuse you, you know, again, we don't wrestle against flesh and blood. You know, we're not. And we have to understand who the real enemy is. And that's the main thing that I had to find. I mean, telling you, oh, Jesus God. That was the main thing that I had to remember. And especially in June, when as I was going through these core wounds, and because at first I was pissed off. Oh my God. Like this is like, you know, I'm gonna say I was bashing men, but it was just like I'm tired of their double standard. I'm tired of them thinking, you know, don't give us grace when we and stuff, but they want us to give them grace all the time. And, you know, like how, you know, especially, oh my god, the double standard was irking me. Like I just was done with all of them. And that was put every man in my in there. And then the Lord had to remind me, at least you messing out against flesh and blood. Like and he had to really like drill, like, really let me see exactly what happened. And because I was there, you guys, I was myself because it was pissing me off. It did, it pissed me off the double standard, and even the fact of like how I was treated, like you silencing me through the rape and through this. And don't get me wrong, because it wasn't just males, so that's stopped right there. But even with the ones that was with them, you know, the rape, the manifestation, the you know, the challenge where males felt like where I became a challenge when I said no, they had to like always yes anyway, like you know, all of that, you know. Um me just having sex with them just because they felt like that's the only way they can tell me, you know, show me they love me, but that's not loving me. Because if you love me, you wouldn't even ask me, like you know, um all of that, those things that I was doing, just compromising. Um so you know, I had to get there. And remember, I'm not wrestling against flesh and blood. These men was uh groomed this way. The enemy did this because it worked. If if I can do if I want to destroy a household, then I could destroy the man. We're gonna get there. But that was I had to get into we had to get to the nitty-gritty truth, and we we don't always want to get to the nitty truth because then we gotta change, then we gotta change our whole perspective, and we like being a victim. Sometimes we like being a victim, we like being angry. Man, oh you did this to me, so I can always hate you. Okay, we like being there. Be honest with yourself. Let's be honest with you. What where do you're not being honest with yourself for? That's another question you need to ask you right there in your journal. So, um, but as a wrap up this episode, right? Um, I want you to really process those questions and go beneath the surface. Stop taking the blame, stop taking blame that doesn't belong to you. Start taking accountability for these things. Understand when I wrestle getting fresh and blood, let him show you the truth. Um, because that's what he did he had to show me the truth, even with my dad and all the other men that you know he had to really show me the truth. Tell me, put them in their proper place. Because I was putting everybody in the boat, and then even those who didn't belong in there. So I had to put people in their proper place. Um, and so remember understand that you are loved, right? Not just by a little but greatly, not just today, but forever. Not just by some, but by the one who created you in his love. And he's not the only one that loves you. We love you unconditionally, and there's nothing, absolutely nothing, that you can do to change that. And so be prepared in the next episode, because we're moving from unearthing all these wounds and taking ownership of our circle, and we're going to talk about the purpose filter and why not everyone gets acts should get access to your inner life, okay? And we need this how we need to just stop feeding the snakes and your environment and what it really means to heal from a broken rib state into your God-given authority. Understand that. So let's get ready. Bring your journals, okay? Because we got some work to do, you guys, okay. Getting ready, and we just allow him to keep shaping you. So until next time, just be play. You wanna plug so I'm gonna be clean.