I Ran From God Until Unconditional Love Stopped Me

The hardest part of healing is admitting where the story actually started. Today I take a step back and tell mine, not for shock value, but because my relationship with God didn’t come from a cute quote or a Sunday routine. It was forged through childhood grief, feeling different everywhere, and learning what spiritual sensitivity feels like when the people around you don’t understand it. 

I talk about growing up in church, being anchored by my praying grandmother, and how her death left me trying to survive without the one person who “just knew.” I share the isolation that followed, including a suicide attempt as a child, and what it looked like to bury my spiritual self just to fit in. Then I fast-forward to fourteen, when anger and pain pushed me into rebellion and into real danger, including a night I believe God intervened and protected me anyway. That moment forced one question to the surface: why would unconditional love still reach for me when I was actively pushing it away? 

From there, I walk through the turning point of surrender, choosing a personal relationship with God rooted in scripture, and setting a standard I refuse to negotiate. We also set up what’s next: core wounds, trauma patterns, and how disorganized attachment can keep us cycling through the wrong relationships until we deal with the root. If this resonates, subscribe, share this with someone who’s rebuilding, and leave a review with the biggest pattern you’re ready to break.

You are Loved!

Not just a little, but greatly

Not just today, but forever

Not just by some,

But by the ONE who created you in His Love

And HE's Not The ONLY One

We Love You Unconditionally
                      &
There's nothing you can do to change it!!!!

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Transcript

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Welcome And Life Updates

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Hello, hello, hello, hello, and welcome, welcome. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of B Clay. It is your girl Elisa. I, you know what? I just realized that um I do not always say my name in this on in my episodes, and as if everyone knows me. So uh we're gonna do better with that. But again, it's your girl Elisa. Hi, how are you? Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for being here. You can listen to anyone else, but you're here, listen to me, and I appreciate you. So um here on the B Clay podcast, we are um we are continuing to just do that be clay, okay? Learning how to just be clay and actually applying how to be clay, okay? Because sometimes there's lessons that are there and we don't take the time to actually you know learn and apply the lessons, so we are continuing to learn and applying the lessons of learning of how to be clay. So I don't have many church announcements, not really. Um, we are in today's August the 9th, so we are in August, and you know that August means for those that's know me that I have to get ready for uh taking my three college students to college and school is about to start, and right? Um here's when you know, because I usually say don't even talk about school until August 1st, you know, because August is when you get ready for school and you know doing all that. So I am still in school. Um, my goal was to try to get finished by August 31st, but I'm thinking about extending it to one month. I think that that should be good. I think that's enough. Um, I am getting closer, I am closer than I was last month, yay me. Um, like you say, you know, here we celebrate every victory, even the smallest victory. We celebrate. So I'm closer, but I think I just need the extra month, especially since with the last three weeks of me trying to get my children into school, um, it's gonna take a lot. So, with all that being said, but we're definitely getting this done, okay. You guys, we're getting this done. Um I didn't come forward just to leave it. So we we're we're we're getting this done this year. So so with all that being said, let's jump right into this episode. So here

Why I’m Rewinding My Story

SPEAKER_00 2:58

in this episode, um, I'm gonna do something different. I'm taking a pause, but not really taking a pause from 2025. What I'm doing is um I believe that I have to do a prelude uh or interlude, not sure which one it is, but basically, um before we dive into the next three months, basically the summer months of 2025, and the get to the meat of it, um, I need to um I I I really believe that I need to take a step back and explain my story. Now, a lot of you who have heard story already, but there's those who don't, and I'm not sure if once I came back uh with my podcast, if I shared my story, so we're doing it in. Okay, so uh here's my stories because before you know, um when we get to this part of healing, as we talk about this healing, um, relationships and me breaking patterns and everything, I have to let you know where my spiritual foundation came from and why my relationship with God is non-negotiable, absolutely non-negotiable.

Growing Up Spiritually Sensitive

SPEAKER_00 4:26

So here we so I you know I have said this before, so you know that I grew up in a church, and I didn't just grow up in the church where, like, you know, maybe my kid, my mom and dad got saved when I was young. We were talking about my mother was in the daddy in the church, and then here I am born, and we're in the church, and so I did explain, you know, um, multiple times, like basically from a child, uh, I knew and understood that I have a natural um spiritual sensitivity, we should say. Okay, and I knew that I was different, I knew that I was different. Um, one of the reasons why I knew that I was different was because like I didn't fit in at all. Nowhere. I didn't fit into my mama's side of family, I didn't fit into my daddy's side of family, I didn't even fit in in church, especially with children my age for the most part. Um, if there was anyone or any set of people that I may say that I may fit into some degree, or the closest that I actually fit in was people that was not my age at all. Okay. Uh we're talking about like grown people, all right? Um, and I understood that I had a calling on my life, right? Because of the fact that I didn't fit in anywhere. And then the ones that I did kind of like, you know, whatever, were those who were schooling, you know, like, you know, the church mothers and stuff like that. And you know, I would say certain things, and you know, as I was, because we went to church every day, all day. And so, um, but as I regurgitate the things that I was learning, it was just like, oh my god, you know, it was always mesmerized about what came my mouth. And to me, I felt like, well, all I'm doing is saying whatever I'm learning, whether it's whether it was in service on church or whether it was at home, right? Because at home, um, I lived in a duplex with my grandmother, my mother's mother, and you know, they my mother, my grandmother lived downstairs, we lived upstairs, and so the word was home as well. My grandmother was uh my nonna, she was a praying woman, and she would pray all the time. And I used to love, like I love it. I would be right at her feet when she in prayer, and so, but that wasn't something that everybody, especially as a child, would love to do. They'd rather play, and I'd rather be here in prayer. So I knew that I was different. Um, I also understood the you know God's presence because mind you, I live in Philly, so therefore I know the world enough, right? Because it's right on my window. But so I knew the difference between God's presence and not his presence, and I loved his presence, his presence was different, you know. And so, um, especially since like a you know, my grandmother was praying, and you know, different things I was felting, I could tell, and I was able to tell the difference, and that's where I was even as a child, and again, I did not fit in nowhere whatsoever, but it wasn't as bad because I had my grandmother.

Loss, Isolation, And A Breaking Point

SPEAKER_00 7:42

And unfortunately, my grandmother got sick and she died. And when she died, I turned um she died, I turned sixth that year. She died, she but she I think she got six um yeah, I think I turned sixth that year, I believe. Yeah, I turned sixth that year. So she died when I was very young, and so it was a lot, it was detrimental to me because of the fact that here I am as a child and understanding that I was different, that I wasn't like everybody else, I didn't fit in nowhere. There are a lot of people, um, like you know, family, especially family, was trying to, you know, understand me, but they really couldn't. And especially since like there's some things that because I'm always the one who like, you know, no, no other music in the house but gospel and etc. But what they did not know or did not really understand, and I don't think they even thought of it, I was not mad at that. I um again, because I was different, and I understood even within the music, the difference between God's music and and secular music, and I'm not saying like all secular music is bad, but there's a lot there was like I understood the absolute truth of like what's really going on with the secular music and different things like that, and so no, I didn't need I didn't need because there was some secular music that would come in and now all of a sudden like it would change the whole atmosphere, and but then there's some music when it was Jesus and it the atmosphere was good. So I understood all of that and that and so I wasn't upset, but how can I explain that at five to the to my cousins and to my family? Like, I don't did you ever hear ever hear me had a problem with me only listening to gospel? You never heard me complaining that, so why are you worrying about it? Like, you know, but with all that being said, um there was a lot of persecution, a lot of uh things that I received from you know people, and um, and it wasn't just be like it wasn't just because it was just from kids or my players it was really from adults and things, and I guess I maybe convicted because they wasn't as tuned to God, I don't know. But after a while, um I tried, so my grandmother died. I told you when I was uh about to be six that year, so I was five since turning six. So I tried it. I tried it for a couple of years after she was gone, and I was just trying to make it without her as far as I was concerned, and it wasn't working. Like the whenever someone says something or do something, I was able to go to my grandmother. I didn't have to explain what's going on, she automatically knew, and then if I did explain, like she would tell me what to do, but she wasn't here, so I had to explain so that it wasn't being released. I didn't feel like I didn't seem like I'd had anyone to really explain because there's a lot of stuff that was going on or things that was happening or seeing that I couldn't really articulate in words for other people to really understand. I kind of actually needed you to already have that have the capacity to already just know, as far as I was concerned, you know, because my grandmother already automatically knew. So that's what I needed. I can't really explain to you the things that I'm seeing, or I can't really explain to you the things that I'm hearing, and I and that that you that would make sense. So I was getting persecuted, and um, I was like, I can't do this anymore. So I tried to kill myself in second grade, and it didn't work, obviously, because I'm still here. Um, and once I realized that that's not going, I was an unsuccessful attempt. Once I realized that it wasn't going to work, then I was like, well, Alisa, just dying I said this before to you guys, that you can't, you don't, you you know, you can't be here, okay? You being in the tuna guy is causing more pro it's causing problems. And in order to be able to, you know, survive in this world, like you kind of kind of died down. And so I first I thought it was just dying it down, but I eventually buried her. Um, she would come out every now and then, but she was buried. Now, with all that being said, um that was the like the the first shift of my story, basically. Because throughout those years, and that was again, this was at the second grade, so um I I was running away from God. Like, you know, like I literally was kept running and running and running now. I knew that he wanted me because he will I could man, I I'm trying to tell you, I can pinpoint when I was in fifth grade, sixth grade, seventh grade, whatever grade, different grades, and where I was, where he was just like, Alisa, I'm here, let's go. You know, I'm here for you. I'm like, no, God, I can't, right? But I did miss God and I miss our relationship. And I missed, I did miss him. I missed like I we still I still went to church, obviously. It wasn't like I stopped going to church or nothing like that because I still went to church, I still was singing on the choirs and doing this and doing that, and you get what I'm saying. But at the same time, my my personal relationship with him was more of like, I know you, I miss you, but I I just didn't want to pay the cost it was gonna cost of me always, and I still didn't fit in to be honest. Like, and I still didn't fit in, like I still it still was weird, but I was just doing what I want to do, and I just like I'm just gonna pay this cost, and it was so much because I knew that because here's what I knew the cost that I had to pay of not only being fit in, because I was always set apart, but I would have to go against everything that I have that that not only everything that I was taught, but who was teaching me, and that was something I felt like I could not do because I was doing it even as a kid, and it was not happy, and it was not going well as far as I was concerned, but it would be even more so as a kid, and so I was like, no, God, I can't, because you know, this is gonna happen, they're gonna say this, they're gonna think this. It was just I can't. This is better this way, but I did miss him, and I still loved him, like, you know, but then I was then was running away from it. I'm running, running, just running. No, God, I can't. Nope, I'm not coming, I'm not coming, nope, I'm not coming, doing all the stuff, running around doing this, doing that, new things, whatever. Just trying to like, you know, I don't know, make it without him, you know, because it doesn't take all of that, as people would say. And I was like, maybe don't, maybe I can do this, but I knew I really couldn't, but maybe it maybe I could. I tried it. I tried it, and it

Fourteen And Done With God

SPEAKER_00 14:50

really wasn't working, but I still was trying it anyway. So let's fast forward. Now we at 14. At 14, um, I'm at a place where like I'm I'm I'm hurting. I'm I'm I'm hurting. I'm hurting. And I was just tired and frustrated with the adults in my life, my mama, my daddy, and I was frustrated with them because means though because of the fact that I was hurting, and it seemed like no one cared, you know, um, no one understood. I can't really articulate the hurt and the pain that was caused. But because these, like my mama, you know, and those that I go to church every Sunday, and we always talking about talking to him, and you know, he tells us this and that and the other, I felt like he should tell you that I'm hurting, you know, and um and be in tune enough so that you can kind of like okay, because my grandmother knew, so I I don't know. And they was just, and I felt like there was so many people just acting out um and it with their own understanding, and then stamping God's name on it, and that wasn't him, and so um there were some things that was going on in my house, because at the time I was living my well at my house. Um I was with my dad, and it was, you know, so back and forth between my mom and dad and all that stuff, and and and and I was just hurting, and no one asked me, you know, no one even dared to ask, and then it was then that I just said that's it. If they don't care, I don't care. Um because again, I still was running away from God and I knew, but I just I don't know. I just didn't know how to get back to him. And so I said, they don't care, I don't care. Now mind you, I'm mad at everybody else, but instead of being taking it out on them, like it's taking out, I couldn't take it out of my mom and I couldn't take it on my daddy. I mean my mama did get a lot of it though, uh, you know, but not my dad, so not so much. He didn't get enough really because you know, but my mama got a lot of it, and so um, I just didn't care anymore. And I said to God, listen, I don't want you to want me anymore. I really don't. And I said to him that, you know, I'm gonna do everything that you don't like me to do just because, and I don't, because I don't want you to want me, I want you to hate me. So you don't like sin. So I was doing every single thing on purpose, um, not going to repent, everything. Like it was just and I said I wanted to be a dirtier today than I was the day before, and that was my purpose every single day. Um I also just um I yeah, I just there was a lot of pain hurt in church. Like I was just tired. Um I was just tired of I was just tired. So I'm running around the streets. The only thing I didn't do, I did everything I wanted to do, except for smoking and drinking, because I I just I just don't like something. I that's the difference. I just that's not me. I don't like it like that. So I don't like it. So that's the only thing I didn't do. I did everything else. Okay? I did everything else. And this right here

The Night I Was Set Up

SPEAKER_00 18:40

um was a turning point for me. Um at 14, you know, running around in the streets, in the streets, people and things like that. Well these kids, other kids, my age actually was younger than me, whatever, running around the streets. I was on the line back in the day we had a party line. And I was on the line, and I met this guy, and um I slept with this guy, and and I really didn't. I was just acting out, but whatever it is, what it was, it happened. And so I and not everyone I was like, you know, once I did it, I was like, I really don't want to do this, do this again with this with this boy. And so he and I because I really I just didn't want to. So he got mad. Um he was like, what's up? And I was like, nothing, basically. And he was just like, yo, and I was like nothing. So he got mad, and when I didn't know that he set me up, he set me up to have a train ran on me. Now it didn't happen because God intervened and um he and he was and to me, he was bad. Um because as I was I remember just walking once I realized that you know oh Jesus. Once I like once I just it's it's every time I think about this, is it hits me because now remember I said growing up, you know, I was just going to church just because I went to church. I actually knew God's presence, I loved it. And when my support system fell apart, like basically I just felt isolated and misunderstood. So now I'm here at 14, I hit a wall, and I just couldn't take a pain of other people, what they were doing around me, and didn't they just nobody ever asked me. I didn't, I don't know if they really realized how much I was hurting. Um, and so I took it out on God, right? And running away from the calling and a purpose that he did I know to some degree what he has called me to do. And I and then when I mean take it out of him, like you, we uh I mean I just took it out on him, and for him to intervene the way he did, where you know, there's still something I had to that he forced me to do, which I was used to by then, but you know, but he was so pissed off because he had this plan, right? But God. And you know, what the thing happened when I realized that I was in trouble, and I'm always taking back to that point when I was in the middle and it was five guys, and I was and we're walking down the street, and I remember saying, like, this is usually a time where I start asking God, can you get me out of this? But I can't ask him to get me out of something because I told him I wanted nothing to do with him. I told him that I don't want you to want me anymore. Every single day I want Wake up. And I'm actually replaying at the same time. Every God, every time, every day I woke up. Alright, what can I do to make you mad? And I'm replaying this in my mind. And now I'm literally here crying on the inside and crying, tears was coming down my eyes, but I didn't even because it's like, but I need you now, but I can't ask him anything because, like, he cannot go on up and do nothing to do with me. Like I was hurting him on purpose. Taking out my anger from everything else, from the pain and hurt from what everyone else was causing. And I'm literally taking it out on you. These 14 years worth of pain. And I'm taking it out on you. You didn't do it. I knew you didn't do it. But I I can't take it out. No, someone take it out on you. Why did I take it on you? Maybe because I feel like he can handle it. I don't know. But and I'm really literally remember because I mean it was, and I and now I was sitting a bit trying to figure out how to get myself out of it. It was no way. I was scared for my life, and I remember how scared for my life I was walking. And he, you know, at first, you know, the guy was just like, you know, yeah, we're about to go meet him up over here and meet them up. And I can just tell. Remember, I already told you I'm uh sensitive to this, and you can tell, and I can tell by the demeanor of the rest of the guys, and as they were surrounding me, and I just like I knew that if I try to run, it really wasn't, I wasn't gonna go nowhere and it wasn't gonna go far. And so I just, you know, I just knew he wasn't going to be there for me. I just knew it because why would he? And then we walking down the street, and then you know, he found a way to get in touch with the guy and Delaware, and the guy was like, no, I'm not coming or whatever. Now, you know, technically I like the other guy, but not like that, because we had good conversations, stuff like that. But and maybe he maybe that changed. I don't know. But that's what made him change the plan or whatever he wants to go through it. But with all that being said, like I just remember just it's just it was just the fact that like, oh my god, if they really like I don't know what was gonna happen with me. I don't know, I I mean, I don't know. Usually I was able to get out and I couldn't. Usually I was able to talk myself out of it and I couldn't. And I just remember walking. But I I I also began after a while, as I was thinking, no, he's not gonna want me, I still start to see the change and difference. And I and I thought and I felt God like right here, I'm with you, but I was like, in no way you here with me. So I just was I was just going, I just dismissed it. In a way you here with me, because I told you I went up and do with you. So we were walking and and um walking on the street, and and then the guy said he's not coming, he's like, No, I could still come down, come down. And but this time the other guys was really like, you know what, I really don't want to do this. And even though that we were walking, they could only but go so far, like around me, like they were surrounding me, but they wasn't as close as they was. And then I felt like I was like, no, it can't be a shield that God put around me because again, there's nothing like he doesn't want me. I told him to have nothing to do with it, but yet he did. He loves me anyway, and he intervened. He intervened anyway. So what happens is that you know, this is when I begin to learn that there was a a plan that was conjured up to for them to run a train because now he's pissed off and mad and angry at the fact that it's nothing is working right. And so he's beginning to tell me, like, yeah, you you know, you got me hooked on you, whatever. Now you want to change your own one, do nothing no more. I got you, and I'm about to be run, you know, and he just telling me all this stuff, and I was like, Oh my gosh, like I just didn't know what else to do. And he, but now he was mad and pissed because there was no one, no one wanted it, no one, everybody that was around the five, the other four guys that was with him began to like, no, I can't do that. I'm I'm not about that, I can't do that, I can't do that. Everybody was backing down, so he pissed off the other ones, and it was a lot of them, you guys. I who it was already four with him, including himself, and he was getting more. He was that pissed off, he was that mad, he was that angry, because that's what the enemy when you make up in your mind like you want to change or whatever case, he gets mad, he gets angry. He does, and he will do anything that he needs to do to try to keep you, like you know, because because in the end of the day, like if I was if you know I was having some thoughts, like I don't like this, maybe I should go back. So now the enemy is trying to keep me. He's trying to keep me. No, I don't want her to go back because she'd be a threat to my kingdom. But God, you guys, but God, but God, and so I still was forced to do some things, but it wasn't that, it wasn't a train that was raining on me, and even in the midst of that, and I'm going over the events of what has just transpired over the last because it was a long time. This just lasted like a couple hours because he was really trying to get these guys to come down and it wasn't coming and everything else. So it's really it was like a couple hours, you guys. And you know, um, and I was just like, like, are is it is I mean, is it real? Like, God, did you really intervene? Like, why? And I just remember thinking, but why? Like, why would you intervene for me? I told you I want nothing to do with you. I told you, and not that I was upset, because I thank God, but at the same time, what is it about me that that you would do this for me? What is it, why why would you want me? And maybe that's not it, maybe that's it, maybe I forgot. And and I'm just sitting there, he said, opening your open up your eyes, and he sh and he showed me the shield that he had around me in spite of so yes, yeah. You may say I'm more spiritual than you guys. Uh I may be because you don't know like I know how much God had to fight to be in a relationship with me. And after that, I just continued to like, I just was I just was couldn't under I couldn't understand it. And I and I was just trying to persuade him that I understand, I appreciate you, I do appreciate it so much of what you've done, but I'm not good enough for you. I'm not good enough. I just kept saying, I'm not good enough, but why would you want me? You don't really want me. And I just kept saying that over and over again every day. So now my I just kept saying, you don't really want me. You don't really want me. And he did. And he kept saying, I do. And I'm like, no, you don't. And it wasn't until after my 15th birthday, and you know, I didn't even want to turn 15. Like, I literally didn't want to be here anymore. I didn't try to kill myself because obviously that doesn't work, right? But I I literally, like, I really was spiritually dead, like basically, you might as well just say, like, I didn't even care about my birthday at all. Um, people was getting all excited, like, oh my god, oh my god, and and um, so yeah, I didn't care about my 15th birthday. And I just wanted to die. I just wanted to die. And I remember I st I still was doing all types of things. I went back to school and was just doing all types of things, still in the streets, but not really in the streets. Um, but God set me up, just like the enemy sent me up, God set me up. I met some, you know, saved friends, my my family, and you know, although I wasn't like really walking in it, it kind of it is what helped pull me out of all of that, and so God can set you, the enemy can set you up, but so can God, so can God, he can set you right on up to get you back to him. So I so after all of this, and round November, I kind of finally just needed to have a conversation with God and and begin to talk to him like I don't understand, and then you know why you love me, and it just don't make you know, it doesn't make any sense. Like I need to know for real, for real, like is this real? Is it truth? And he was telling me it is, and he just showed me his love, and he kept leading me into scriptures of how much he loved me, and I just couldn't believe it. For two weeks, I didn't even fasted, like this don't make any sense. Maybe, you know, because I didn't I couldn't even eat because like it just didn't make any sense to me. Why would you love me so much? And I just knew he was gonna change his mind, and he didn't. And after about two weeks, I just said and I made it in my mind that this is it. We leave for the winter break in school, and I knew that we're going to do what needed to be done because by the time we're about to go into this new year, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not staying like

Surrender, Scripture, And Real Love

SPEAKER_00 33:20

this. I will be with you, we will be together, and that's it. I surrendered everything to him, and I never look back on it. And meet him every day and let him show his love through scripture was exactly what I needed as he tore up the old blueprint and let him know that you know, like, I I don't I don't want I don't want nothing else but you because he proven to me how much he wanted me. Because after all of the things I was showing how he shouldn't want me, he kept saying, But I want you anyway, but I love you anyway, Lisa. I was just waiting for you. And I'm right here with my arms open wide. I'm giving him all these reasons why, and he and it didn't even like he didn't, it didn't, it just didn't like it didn't make like real, like it just didn't like not even where you told me not to do this, and I did it anyway, you know. I told you so. It was just love, pure unconditional love. And so that watch night, I said I surrendered my life, and I also said, listen, I don't want my mama's god, I don't want my daddy's god, and I don't even what what was was being taught on Sunday, every Sunday. I don't want that either. I want you. I want you, I want all of you, and I need you to teach me how to be in a relationship with you because I don't know what to do, and I don't want to mess this up, and that's what I have been doing, and then I was teachable, and I was teachable.

Standards, Healing, And Core Wounds Next

SPEAKER_00 35:20

So why why are you telling me this, Alisa? Why are we saying this story? For those who may have heard this story before, why again? Because that day when I that day when I made a decision, and I'm that's it, it's gonna be me and you God. I remember I left him because of people. I left him because what people was calling me. I left him because what people were saying, and oh you too deep, oh you this, oh Lisa, only you, oh Lisa, oh Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, oh Lisa, Lisa. No one thinks like you, this, any of it. And I was tired of the persecution, I was tired of the darts that people were throwing me. I was tired, so I left him. And although I left him, he never left me because he kept calling me. And then I still was like, no, no, God, uh, I'm not ready to pay that cost. Now I'm I'm paying, I will pay that cost because I realize that the cost of not being with you is more, like it cost me more than it is to be with you, and it's not worth it. And so I I grabbed hold that I didn't care what people were saying and thinking, or what they felt, I didn't care about fitting in anymore, uh none of that mattered, and then yet something happened where I beg I lost it, and so now in 2025, we're regaining it. So this is why my standard is here today and where it is today. Because when God meets you in the middle of your trauma, in the middle of your dirt, and shows you that he still wants you, you stop negotiating with standard, you stop compromising your spiritual self just to make room for people who refuse to be to you at that level. So here's where the work, real work began for me. Now coming back to now coming back to him was very easy. But now I have to learn how to live, to heal, and navigate through these relationships with a renewed mind where the battle lived. Because you know, he said, and be ye renewed, right? Right, you know, your mind has to be renewed, and so here is what's happening right now. My mind is being renewed. Cause when you even when your spirits surrender, those deep and unhealed places, these core wounds from childhood, from abandonment, from trauma, will still try to dictate how you love, who you trust, if you even trust at all, and how you respond when life skin heavy. And so here's why I'm in the prelude, be ready for the next episode. Because in the next episode, I'm going to open up the vault and get it down to the absolute root, where we're talking about core wounds, what they are, and how they drive disorganized attachment styles, and how an ill pain causes us to cycle through the same patterns with the wrong people until we finally deal with the root. Okay. Oh god. Those patterns. I'm talking about patterns. You know how back in the day when you do had the patterns going on for a certain period of times, but there's some patterns that's been going on for years, right? Some patterns that we have been allowing to continue going for years. So don't miss the next episode

Gratitude And Closing Blessing

SPEAKER_00 39:30

and take a deep breath. Okay. And I'm really, really thanking God for where he brought me from. Oh, God, thank you, God. Like, I every time I look back, I just say, people look at me, oh, you spirit, yes. Because you weren't there. They were like, Oh, he ain't real. I don't care what you say, you weren't there. You weren't there, he wasn't with me, and ain't no, it wasn't nobody else but God. Um I it wasn't me. It was nobody but him that intervened that night. And he continued to be faithful even though when I wasn't faithful. And so with that being said, until the next episode, because I would I'm gonna go somewhere and I'm not gonna know how to come back. We get in to the core rooms, we get into now understanding to the roots so that my nine mind can be renewed. So until next time, know that you are loved, not just a little, but greatly, not just for a moment, but forever. Not just by some, but by the one who created you and is love, and he's not the only one that loves you. We love you unconditionally, and there's nothing, absolutely nothing, that you can do to change it until the next time. You are a positive, so I am a big