What If Your Unspoken Pain Has An Audience?

Your life can look “fine” while your mind is fighting a private war. We’re talking about that gap, the one where you show up for everybody, keep smiling, keep working, and still feel unworthy of being fought for. I share real updates from my own grind, finishing school, pushing toward graduation, and finally putting chapters of my book on paper, then I connect those wins to the deeper truth: I’ve spent years surviving instead of thriving, and that survival mindset built patterns I had to confront.

We get honest about core wounds, self-worth, and the savior role. I tell a story from work where unfair treatment lit a fire in me, not because it happened to me, but because it happened to my coworkers. That’s when I had to admit something painful: I knew how to protect other people, but I didn’t know what taking care of myself even looked like. From burnout and financial pressure to missing consistent therapy support, I explain how nonstop motion can make the inner conversations louder and the lies feel more believable.

Then I share the moment that shook me most, an unsettling interaction in the office after I mentioned my oldest was conceived through rape. What sounded like “support” quickly turned into a counterfeit kind of justice, and it exposed how dangerous it is to keep your pain unspoken while you’re trying to heal. My biggest takeaway is clear: don’t do healing alone. Get covered. Get the right therapist. Get people who can hold you up when your guard is down.

If this resonates, listen now, subscribe for the next part, share it with someone who’s doing the hard work, and leave a review so more people looking for trauma recovery, faith-based healing, boundaries, and self-worth can find us. What’s one area where you need real support right now?

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Not just a little, but greatly

Not just today, but forever

Not just by some,

But by the ONE who created you in His Love

And HE's Not The ONLY One

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Transcript

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Welcome And Personal Updates

SPEAKER_00 0:27

All right. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of B Clay. Um, yes, thanks for tuning in to another episode of B Clay. It is your girl Elisa, and here we at the B Clay Podcast. We are learning and on a journey of how to just what? Be clay, just to be mooded and to allow the potter to do what needs to be done for us to be perfected. Okay, so um be there's not that much to really say here as far and there's no real like announcements or things like that that's coming forth. We already know that I am on a journey to finish this class, this classes, so that we can graduate to August 31st will be finished as my term ends on August 31st. And so graduation will be either October or November, which one I decide. So we will I will let you know from there. I do want to say though that um your girl has been writing her book. You know, we've been talking about writing a book for a while for those who for those that have been with me for a while. Um, so and I've been saying I'm gonna get it done, but I'm actually writing chapters, okay? So chapters have been written. Um, so we, you know, we're doing these things because it's about time for me to uh, like I said, I've been wanting God to get the return on his investments, and so we just not continue to talk about it, but we be about it. And to be honest with you, since I've been writing uh, you know, these chapters, uh, my brain is not as uh clouded as before because it's been filled with all these books in my head and has it been written down paper, but we're doing it now. So um we are celebrating every little victory, right? That's what I say. We celebrate every little victory, we're writing chapters. Um I yeah, I'm not I don't want to say I'm giving myself a dialogue when I want to be finished per se, but it's gonna be good. And I know I've been talking about it, and you guys have been like I'm waiting for your book, and I know I know you're waiting. I'm waiting for it to be done so that you can fin, you know, read it. So we out here and we finishing. I would be nice to be having have this finished um by birthday. I think if I stay locked in, it should be at least the first book because it's going to be a series, so at least the first one should be finished. Um, and then I still have the B Clay and book, and this is not the uh B Clay book. I still have to write that. Um go back to writing that because I had to start that book a while ago. Actually, I started writing that book in 2020, so we'll go back to that. I can't even find what I wrote, actually, to be honest with you. So basically, we have to start over because I've been looking for what I have written down and I can't find it. So we're basically really gonna start that one over.

Naming The Core Wounds

SPEAKER_00 3:45

So, with all that being said, let's get into this episode. So, in this episode, we are diving into um we're basically picking up picking up where we left off, which is me letting you know, telling you about, you know, um the struggle that I it started basically really immediately uh in 2025, where basically the inner conversations, the core rooms of the core root of you know, of everything, I guess. Basically, um like the root of you know everything, I guess. Uh we we was getting down to the niggrity, like we really was getting down to where things began, how I shaped myself, even with, especially, I guess, with the me feeling unworthy and that I feel like I had to be the man in the house, you know. Um, I think I believe that that like I had to do it. Like I don't, you know, that started a lot because we had this that part of not feeling worthy enough, not even just because so me not feeling worthy, right? Actually shaped the it did shape me as the one who has to save everybody else, and not even thinking that I was worthy enough for Elisa to fight for Elisa. Um, I can be there for anybody else. I you know I'll I'll do for anybody else, which is funny because like one time at my job, and once I'm at my job, now everybody for the most part they know that they know me. They might not even know my name, but they know me as one, you know, who's basically like always happier to some degree is what they say. Like they she's always happy, and for the most part, I'm not gonna walk around here for the most part, and especially around this time because again, I've been healing, so uh there was a lot, you know, and and I was just happy the fact that you know, like I was being more free. It might be a lot of crazy days, but at the at the end of the day, uh to be free of so much, it was great and awesome. So, and it was great. So I'll be walking around and I'm always talking and singing and things like that to everybody and everything else. Everybody's cool, but it's one day uh we go through something at work, and it wasn't necessarily me and my co-workers, we go through something at work. And we all were treated unfairly, right, to say the least. However, I I guess I got the I I received the least of the treatment, right? And still trying to be there for everyone else. And with the treatment that we received, like it was it was it was not great at all. Um, but I got the least. Now, but because of the way they were treating my co-worker, when I said it pissed me off, like I was ready to like, oh no. So now, so now when I was leaving my job, I'm I'm few, like I'm I'm like, oh my god, I can't believe it. And then like the next day, and it really wasn't at first the way that she treated the next day, and then I expected an apology once things got you know, uh there was some misunderstanding, and so once now this misunderstanding has been rectified, I expect an apology, and I didn't receive, we did not receive an apology, and so this had me had me and a whole nother level, a whole nother level. So now I'm up here like, oh no, you're not gonna treat my co-workers like this, da-da-da-th, and I was just whatever. And I just walked around everyone that was like, oh my god, who did it? Because now they just knew you got her, man, you had to do something, and I was there, like I was livid, and you know, I I was I was there, right? Um, but it wasn't because of me. Now, if it was me, I wouldn't have been as I just would have, whatever. But because it was somebody else, I was fighting, like I was fighting for them, like I they didn't even have to worry about it. I got it, I got it, and that's exactly what I told them. I got it. And everyone around now, everyone else was like, Oh my, you know, now the rest of people in my job was just ready to like tear this person, you know, tear a person afraid because you you got her mad. It had to be something if you got her mad. But the thing is, is that uh, because it takes a lot to get me to that place, and it wasn't for me, it was for someone else. But that's because I don't really know how to take care of myself. Like I don't even know what they even look like. I don't know how I mean I'm learning that now. We here we're here now, as of today, we are here, okay. Uh, you know, no longer am I sitting up here thinking so much about other people, not not so much, because the Bible does say you, you know, don't think so highly yourself, but a healthy, but now it's like, what about Alisa? And um, because in the end of the day, how can I take care of my own children if I don't take care of Elisa? And so, and allow myself to take care of Elisa. What does Elisa want? What does Elisa need? What is Elisa, Lisa, Lisa? Um, and so, you know, accord according to how he God telling me, not how I am, because I he be asking me, and I used to be like, oh, well, you know, Lisa never gets anything, so we're not aware of her now. We are.

Why I Fight For Others

SPEAKER_00 10:20

With all that being said, these are the core wounds that I had to uh go through and or that shaped this this mindset, this thinking, this way that I was, you know, living throughout these last 38 years at this time. Um, so you know, uh just walking, learning how to survive and not really thrive. I wanted to uh fix it for everybody, I mean every single body else and not knowing how to allow things to be fixed or fixed for me. And so with that, that being said, like everything was coming up to the surface, even the things uh which I didn't really realize to some degree um until like about the end of February, like really like in the beginning of March. I didn't know how I didn't realize how bad this was really that how much it took a toll on my everyday, you know, I guess living for the most part. And so I was going through now the person that I have that I talked to, um, I haven't I wasn't talking to them as much as I what I was used, that I used to talk to them due to schedules, not just their schedule, but my schedule. Um, one because of the fact that um, you know, I told you I got my car repool in like October, and then like I did get a new car January 31st. However, I wasn't um driving the car at that time right away, and I was still renting a car because I was renting a car since what November. Yeah, I was renting a car since November, and so you know, for those who rent a car, these is not cheap at all, okay. Um, and so I was always in the streets working, trying to make sure I paid as rental every week, as well as tax season just just have started, and so um, and I started a new uh pilot program with uh within you know within with TurboTax, where now we are in offices, so there was extra training that I had to do, and it was a lot of things. So I was always working, basically 24-7. I feel like I barely slept because I was always working, and so I didn't really have it was really that much time uh to really talk, to you know, and do the therapy, whatever, because I was running around all the time. Um, and so but because I wasn't talking, that means the inner conversations with myself was very loud. So there was much of a struggle, all these, you know, feeling we're gonna this and the other, all that it was it was a lot, it was just I was struggling. So we in this, I'm in this office, and here's where I say that, yes, we gotta be careful, and hopefully that you really look to have someone to be right there to help you to cover you in this healing process because the enemy is right there, right there, okay, right there, and so um walking around, feeling like I'm too much, that I cost too much, right, to be loved or to be fought for, even for my own self, right? Uh, which allowed me to also feel like a lot of years are wasted, because mind you, I just started school in December, and I just knew that by what February that I was gonna have half of my uh course low conf like finished, like half my degree program finished because the self-paced, and that's the main reason why I decided to go here is because like it's self-paced, and I have to take at least what 10 classes that I already took already, so it's it's it should have been a breeze. All I had to do was a little fresh of course, take the test, and keep it moving. Um, but because I started working all the time, and then like the support that I thought that I was gonna have, but I didn't really have it as much, and all these things, and then it just wasn't working. So it caused me to, you know, it just really caused me to just like unwind. And then again, like I said, like not only did the underword, but the uh it was heightened, heightened of those that was intimidated by me, that caused the issue because now I started to pull back, like, well, Elisa, you just pull back because like they get a bit intimidated, and at the same time, so but you can't pull back because, like, you know, you just said that you're not so like it was just a lot that I was dealing with every single day, and all of that, just struggling in my mind every single day. The that part, like I said, you know, guys trying to sell me and show me I couldn't receive it. All this was going on at the same time, and I wasn't saying anything to nobody. I kept this still myself. I was just walking, going to work every single day, you know, to all these jobs every single day, and still pouring out to people, right? And when we was at the offices, I was still pouring out, and so but you needed but you needed to speak, and I should have I should have I should have worked harder to make sure that I talk to somebody because and um again because the enemy is out there and he doesn't want you to be free, he likes it when you are walking around here basically like dysfunctioning in your brain in your mind all over the place, barely making in every single day, um, because then your uh defenses are down to right to a degree, and you don't see him and he's feel like it's I feel like he feel like it's a perfect time, you know, and this is why you need someone that's gonna cover you because you know, and everything else. So let me tell you how to even more so I came to this conclusion.

Burnout Makes Inner Voices Loud

SPEAKER_00 17:55

So yesterday no, so we in the offices. Now, in the beginning, there were two people, it was me, one other person, by the end of February. Uh, there was other two more people that came into these offices as well. Everybody had their own office. We up here, we work and things like that. When other two people came in here, uh, you know, I was the one helping everybody, like, hey, you know, just like do things, other things can never case and be. One of the other ones that came in, her, um, she was an accountant, actually, right? Who was you know a very successful accountant. And mind you, we all know that that's where I'm trying to be. That's what I'm trying to get there, right? This taking so long to get there, but we're we're we're working on it, right? So, with all that being said, um I, you know, was you know intrigued at the fact that you know she was here at first. And then not only that, because after you know, talk having the conversations with her and where she's at things like that, you know, she was like, hey, like, you know, you you you know, you should be where I am. And um, even though I'm in school, and as much as much as I'm in school, I feel stuff, I always still felt like, and I still felt to some degree, that because I'm not where I wanted to be, where I need to be, and how long it's taking to get there, that I'm just like, you know, I don't know, bad off or something like that. And so, but for her to say, who's already at the place where I'm trying to get to, for her to say, like, you know, hey, you know, you should, you should, uh, you should be where I am, and you're you you you know, you good, and we I'm gonna help you get there. So I'm like, oh, that's what's up, right? And it was a little comforting to hear that. And but then, yeah. So after that, like when she was after these things, um, we were I was in her office and I was talking to her. We started talking about kids. She told me how many she had, and I talked about how many I had. And then she was saying, actually, I didn't even tell her how many I had. I just said that I have kids. Um, and I did say that I had more than one, but I didn't tell her exactly how many I had more than one. And she made a comment about that, and then I was just like, well, you know, if you know, my oldest was succeeded from uh from rape, so you know, and then we moved from here. And so she immediately, you know, said, like, you know, I'm sorry, but it was in a different way that she said that I was sorry, and I kind of just like, okay, whatever, because I'm used to people saying that or whatever case and be, so whatever. Then we move over later on that day where I was helping on, helping her with something, and I was standing right next to her at her desk because I was showing her to do something on her computer. So then she said, Let me see, and then she said, Let me see. Here, so I'm thinking that I'm really thinking that she was trying to see like my notes, something like that, or whatever. But she begins to like grab a poem and was like, and it was like trying to like as reading my palm. I snatched immediately, like, no, I don't do that, be good. But when she grabbed it and she tried to read it, she said, How do you want me to punish him? And what I said was, was like, No, um, no, I'm not about that life. Like, we good, God got it. I'm I'm good. Like, I don't need to do anything. Um, and so like she said something else, and then she left and left it alone. I left it alone. Now later, then again, uh, we in a conversation and she brings up again about how I how quickly I snatched my hand. And I said that, you know, I didn't need her to, I didn't need her to do anything. Like, there's nothing that we can do that God that's better than what God can do. Whatever revenge that we can think of a contract in our minds, it can't even compare to what God can do as far as vengeance. And vengeance belongs to him anyway. So, but she began to say how but it's not that he raped you like physically. And she was saying, I don't, because she was saying how she don't take that lightly, and she, you know, like she really wanted to punish him, not just because of like, you know, what he did physically, but because he raped you of your time and and your and um he raped you of your time and your dreams and this and that, and she began to basically literally every those things that I was feeling, she basically was like pointing it out, like really touching on it. And that shook

A Coworker Offers Counterfeit Justice

SPEAKER_00 23:05

me, okay? That shook me. Um, where I really realized, yo, you need to, you, you know, we can't be out here just like uncovered, right? And just because the enemy's out there. The enemy, you know, here you are, you know, not making it, basically struggling, and your guard is down, and the enemy will can utilize some somebody or send somebody in to feed on those things that you're not saying, right? First, I started off with feeding off the validation, the validation of you know, knowing that like I'm still okay because I feel like I I I mean, to be honest with you, at this moment, because it takes me so long to finish school and to get rid of it. I feel like I just let so many people down, including my own children, not just myself and my children. Um, for us to be in a that had I been finished school and really did what I saw how to do, we would have been a very better uh very better. We would be in a better place like financially, and this and any other. And you know, I won't be a like uh just you know, the example that they have of someone that starts something and don't never finish it, and not really living them to the potential of what God's given, all these different things that I was thinking and feeling again, keep it to myself, don't say it to no one else, and um, but yet I need a validation, right? Looking for validation. He, you know, the enemy touched on it and did they it it touched it. So what shook me wasn't because what shook me wasn't the fact that you know of them offering to take care of, you know, my son's excuse me, y'all, my son's father, but who hurt me, but um, and being so they was trying, we that didn't that didn't matter because what they was gonna try to do was doing it where uh through through other spiritual ways that has not was not line up to God. So we I was good with that. But because I don't play though, we don't play with that, right? We don't play with the in that spirit realm because I don't play the dead dark spirit realm, we don't play with that. I wasn't scared of it, but I don't play with you know I don't need to do that, but it was the fact that um it was the fact how the enemy can, you know, take those things that we're not saying. Because again, I wasn't saying a lot, I I didn't tell anybody, I wasn't telling nobody these things. It was constantly, I was constantly telling myself throughout the everyday, but I wasn't telling nobody. I was going to bring it up when I had the conversation with them, but because of our, like I told you, our schedules and things like that, um, I didn't say anything. And what I should have was really, you know, figured out a way whether I couldn't call them, but at least text them, to email something, right? To release all of this, because again, the enemy used that like basically against me, trying to like try to bait me to stay in this place. And so you you you have to be careful, and you have to be careful when it is. Don't try to do this by yourself because the enemy's out there, he's not gonna say, Oh, well, search your healing. I'm just gonna leave you alone and come back when you're stronger. Like, who does that? Like, what like and I'm saying who does that because think about it. When you watch anything um where there is two sides and it's opponent, there the opponent will always take advantage of somebody when they're in their weaknesses, right? Whether it's a football games, whether it's war or whatever case and be, they're always the the opponent always going to take advantage when the other side is not at their best. If they're up there fighting back and forth within themselves, then they that's the best way to attack because their fences are down, their defense mechanisms are down, right? Their guard is down, and so they're not you can come in, swoop in real quick, and they won't even see you, don't even know you, know that you're there or anything. So you have to be careful, you have to be careful, and you have to have someone there to help you so they can cover you while your guard is down, while your guard is down, and I and that right there really it like I said, it shook me to the it shook me to the core. I I left that her office like, oh my god, like oh my god. I literally was like, oh my god, I can't, I can't stay here by myself. And that's what I did. Like I said, I can't stay here by myself. Because again, it wasn't something I was I could see if I said it out loud, I could see if I told it, but I didn't really say it out loud to no one for them to pick up on it so like that. And um, you know, and so easily, you know, but when we are in when we have all these unaddressed internal pain, it basically leaves spiritual doors cracked open, right? It leaves doors wide open. And if you don't bring your wounds, if you don't bring it to God, if you don't allow yourself to heal, then he would use people to tap into that, like tap right into that and offer counterfeit, whether it's from the counterfeit justice or revenge that she was trying to, or uh other things to keep me bound, right? In bitterness or wherever areas to keep me angry, to keep me feeling like an unworthy, to keep me feeling in a place like you know, barely surviving. So, because he he would he would tap right into that. That when you're seeking for validation from other people, and not just you know, whatever lies that you was already walking into, he will tap into those lies to try to even make you realize, oh, this is real, right? You know, this is true the truth, but it's not really the truth, but it'll become because the remember a lie only works if it becomes your truth, and so if you think on a lie long enough and now it'll become truth, now it does it, it does its job. But if you begin, if it's there is a lie and you tear it down right away and say like and and go with the truth, then the lie didn't work. And so um now I know at this moment that I really really had to we gotta we gotta figure this out. We we gotta figure this out even the more so because um I I definitely couldn't stay there. I couldn't stay there, and that enemy was right there, you know. Um so I stayed away from her for a while. Um, she eventually left, you know. But yeah, I I yeah, we we're gonna stay over here, okay? Um, especially since I'm not in a place or strong enough to really fight this battle. So we're gonna stay over here, right? Because I'm not about to be going myself, you know, put myself in a place that I know that I'm not strong enough or have the capacity to even fight. Uh, I'm not going to the spirit room like this because I would get destroyed, the enemy would destroy it. That's a thing that we don't rely on too. I mean, that's another series or episode later. I'm not really going to get into that necessarily altogether, but uh because we put ourselves in place in the spirit room that we don't even know that we I'm not getting to that. But with all that being said, I'm with all that being said, I was smart enough to know, yeah, Lisa, stay over here. Like, stay over here. Um, and and allow like it's time for you to get back at his feet wherever however you can get to it and stay right there because um that's what also allowed me to know that and you have to know where you are and walk it and and like really understand where you are, even in your in this healing journey, so that you know, because again, the enemy's out there, and your fits your defenses are down, your guard is down, and this is why I say like get somebody to help you because baby, when your guard is down, who knows what? Okay, and and of course, he's gonna throw everything, I mean, everything in the book, like everything at you while your guard is down, because he does not want you to be free. And it's gonna seem, and that's why a lot of times when we get to that point of really trying to heal, and everything is coming at us at once, because to heal, to get to the root of it, to really truly heal, um, you know, one, I feel like the one on one hand, it's like, of course, everything has to come at you at once, because at the end of the day, it's like, how bad do you really want it? Right? Um, when you when there's if everything was so easy, then like you know, but how bad do you want it? How bad do you want it? And then um, and then at the end of the day, as well as um as things are being thrown at you all at once when you're trying to get to that place of healing and being healed, and you're trying to get to get through and get um have that breakthrough, um and he wants you to stay in that place because like if he got your mind, he got you, right? Like if you constantly still like you know because you become to a threat to his kingdom when you're free. And so if I can keep you bound, like I don't if I can keep you bound, then what if I can keep you walking around hating people, you never can't trust nobody. You not only can't trust nobody as far as people are concerned, but you never would trust God. And if you never trust God, then you basically defeated it, you know? Um, and so of course he was gonna throw everything at you. Of course, of course, he's gonna throw everything at you, of course the main people that you're angry at, and you know, your mama, your daddy, of course, it's gonna be heightened at that place where you're trying to heal, of course, all these things are gonna be heightened to try to stop you from getting to the other side. Because what because it's not just like when you heal, it's not just the healing for yourself, but the healing healing for those around you in this journey of healing and not the extensive healing journey that I have been through. Um, even when I said when I started this podcast, was because I began to tell people uh the progress um that I have, that I have like wherever I was, I was telling people, and it was beginning to liberate them, even though I didn't even get all the way there, but the process, and they will see me through the process. And as they've been, I even know so many people was only watching me until sometimes people said something, but as they were even watching me through the process, again, it was liberating them, it was liberating them, and then those that some of those that you know um that I was mad at or angry at or this, whatever, once I forgave and released the anger, the bitterness, resentment, whatever it was, it began to liberate them. Right? So, like we I when we get healed, we can actually liberate our mamas and our daddies, those that we, you know, we it can happen. So, of course, the enemy does not want you to get healed, he does not want you to be free, and I remember that it was actually said that it was said to me, the enemy does not want you to be free. Because if you're free, then your kids are free. Again, I have birthed up to six generations, so therefore, not only am I free, not only is my kids free, which that's a generation, it'll be a cycle of freedom. Like, I'm freeing my lineage, I'm freeing my lineage. He doesn't want that, so don't do this alone. Grab whatever you need. Uh, grab the right therapist. Like, if you had was I was in therapy, wasn't working as it was the right person, find the right person, right? Do what you gotta do. Do not do this alone. I'm actually I'm here with you because the enemy just wants it for real, but I want all to be free. To be honest, that's it. All I want is everybody to be free. Why not? Uh it's amazing. No, don't get me wrong. You know, it's a fight to stay free, it's definitely a fight to stay free, but it's a fight that I'm willing to take, and I'm that I'm willing to do because uh the cost of not is I don't I don't want to go back. I I refuse to go back. I refuse. I've come so far, and I refuse to go back.

Refusing To Go Backward

SPEAKER_00 38:25

And you will have to say the same thing. Like, I I refuse to go backwards. I'm going to go forward. You might slip up a couple seconds, you might, you know, be down for a moment, but get back up. Okay, because every day wasn't sunny, and there were some days that I had to sit, you know, that I was down for the count, but I got back up and got back in the ring, and we and I won, right? And so, you know, that just you know, I don't really watch boxing like that, but you know, there are rounds, correct? And so you might be down for a couple rounds, but baby, get back up. So um, here is where if you don't take anything else, do not do this by yourself. Because that into me is out there, all right? He's out there looking and waiting and like, oh, okay, ooh, the fences are down, um, the guard is down, all right. I'm gonna swoop right on in with so much stuff. Then when you have someone there who's gonna cover you while you're down and strengthen you while you're down, that the enemy can't get to you. At least whatever he throws at you. Because he's gonna throw stuff at you. I mean, he wouldn't be doing his job if he didn't, and that's all he really doing is doing his job. Um so you know, that is all he's doing, he's doing his job. That's we can't even get like can you really get mad? Like he's just doing his job. Um, but it doesn't have to take precedent and if it did for a little bit. That's so even if it did, if he because you know, like he had me for a moment, he did, you know. But when you but then you go to your person and and you people like, all right, uh, he did, but we we we get back up, okay? And and and clean you up and undo, you know, allow God to undo whatever had had taken place, right? Whatever you started entertaining some of these lies that he was really now we ran now, we're not entertaining these lies anymore, and we're going to counteract, right? And start walking in the truth. So even wherever you are, if you at that moment where you realize dad, that really was them, and I can't, I and I okay, let's don't stay there, let's keep it moving. Let's let's grab a hold we need to, those who are stronger, let's grab hold to the strong and let's keep it moving. Let them carry you out of this pit and let's move forward. Let's move forward. So, all these things at this moment that I was telling myself, um, even with the intimidate being taken advantage of and intimidation, I was crying, asking God, why are people intimidated by me? And when I barely feel like I was just making and I didn't see what they saw, but now I begin to like now realizing, I began to even realize, even the more so, because I'm allowing myself to realize that it really was that you know, that God's light and his conviction that was on my life. I guess for the most part, it was caused a conviction of their life because they and instead of just understanding that I'm being convicted, they decided to mock me and you know, and everything else for me and my gifts or whatever, but that's none of my business. And I had to now allow God to fight for me in this area, right? To not back away, but just keep moving because that part ain't my business. If you're convicted and you don't want to do nothing with your convictions, again, that's none of my business, and so here's when I began to get strengthened, um, or at least work to get strengthened. It didn't happen right away, it definitely didn't happen right away. Um, again, because of like I got into an accident in February, too, as well. And that's what really made me sit my toe down, too, to be honest with you guys. I feel like he can't sit me down unless I'm in an accident, obviously. Um, I got into an accident in February. We'll get into that in the next episode. Um, but this is this is around that same area um our time frame where he had to literally like sit me down and to um we got to this point where we're learning um to you know like stop and be I had to be careful right here. I had to be

Next Part Tease And Closing

SPEAKER_00 43:20

careful because yeah. So with all that being said, we're gonna stop here, and I will pick up. I told you guys it's a lot. We even get to this is this is just what I'm trying to, I can't go by month by month, because so much happened in one month is ridiculous. Um, so we 2025 is a tenth, but it was it was it was good. So um stay tuned for the next part as we continue to work on this journey of how to get healed, you guys. How to get healed. Um, how did I get here? Because I walk around now and say I'm dangerous now because I have healed, right? Um, but how did I get here? So know and know know that you know that you know that you know that you are loved, not just by little but greatly, not just by some, but by the one who created you in his love, and he is not the only one who loves you, we love you unconditionally, and there is nothing absolutely, absolutely nothing that you can do to ever change that.