What Blessings Are You Blocking By Not Asking For Help

Welcome back to another episode of Be Clay! In this episode, we are continuing our journey through the seasons of 2024, reflecting on how far we've come as we work toward wrapping up major milestone goals by August 31st.

Today, we are taking a deep look at the lessons learned during the summer of 2024—specifically around the time of my daughters' 16th birthday party. I'm opening up about a major shift in my own perspective regarding the "armor" I used to carry. For a long time, I operated under the assumption that I had to handle everything completely on my own because people would inevitably let me down. I share what it feels like when healing gets tested in real time, when May and June pressures hit and the old reflex kicks in: don’t ask, don’t expect, don’t rely. That survival mindset can look like strength, but it can also quietly block support, community, and connection. If you’ve ever felt overlooked, like you’re always the one giving 150% and getting 10% back, you’ll recognize the pattern fast.

A frustrating, overwhelming experience planning that party forced me to realize how that mindset was actually blocking community, support, and blessings—not just for me, but for my kids. The heart of this story is what happened after the party. I didn’t send reminders because I assumed it wouldn’t matter, and then people came to me genuinely upset they missed it. That response forced me to face a hard question: am I letting past disappointments dictate my capacity to receive help today? And if I’m a parent, what does that teach my kids about love, belonging, and letting others show up for them?

Join me as we talk about identifying the triggers and mindsets born from past disappointments, learning how to actually utilize the community around us, and recognizing that we are worthy of showing up and being supported. If you’re working on healing, trauma recovery, self-worth, or building a healthier support network, this conversation gives you a mirror and a next step. Subscribe for more, share this with someone who carries everything alone, and leave a review with the belief you’re ready to challenge.

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Not just by some,

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And HE's Not The ONLY One

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Transcript

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Welcome And The 2024 Journey

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Welcome, welcome, welcome, and welcome, thanks for tuning in to another episode of B Clay. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for tuning in. I really appreciate you. I appreciate you. You can be listening to anyone else today, but you are here here and I appreciate it and I appreciate you. So we are um before I really dive into um continue on with 2024, as we are you're on the journey with me as I am taking you through how I got here in 2026 from my healing journey. And so before I go down, I want to let y'all know that we are on a what you may call it a crazy journey. But we are trying to finish this by August 31st. I have after today, well, after today, I have about 16 classes left. No, about 14 classes left. I gotta count again, but around about that, to finish by August 31st. So we are going to be we're going to be busy because we're going to be busy. And I'm just letting y'all know that we're still gonna be here and I'm celebrating every milestone the fact that we're still here. Um, although I went through some uh technical difficulties basically, and we are uploading just a little bit late, but we're still here, and you know, we're gonna celebrate every victory, okay? Even when things are you know thrown in and obstacles not letting that stop us. Again, we are celebrating every single victory um of consistency. So, with all that being said, here we go.

Attachment Theory Changes The Path

SPEAKER_01 2:32

So, just to recap a little bit over um 2024, here we are. Um, the last uh episodes we talked about how I learned about this attachment theory, and it really was it changed the trajectory of my healing process because now as I'm going through uh each month, the seasons of 2024, each month in a season, because we know there each season there's at least about three months, right? And so basically in this season or in the season of really learning and different parts of that learning the season of the healing journey, I was learning different things, and it was a lot, okay. Some days I was okay and it was sunny, and some days it was it was a storm, basically an internal

When Healing Starts Getting Tested

SPEAKER_01 3:30

storm entered my mind and um and everything else. And so we I ended up where which was like May and June, which was the beginning stages of really being tested, and when I really realized, I mean to some degree, um like once you say something that you like tested like almost after almost like immediately and May and June was it was hard, it was hard, but my approach to it, my the way that I just welcomed it, because even when you know where certain people may have did things or said things, um, and other people's reaction to what people were saying, I said, Oh no, no, no, no, I need this, like this need to happen for me because I need to know how to utilize different coping mechanisms, and because usually I would handle it this way, but when we're learning, I can't handle it that way no more. We gotta figure something else out, and so that's what it was good, it was a good shift for me, and I was learning it.

Planning The Sweet 16 Under Stress

SPEAKER_01 4:48

So now we are in basically the we're in the summertime, we're in the middle of the summer, and my babies, my girls about to turn 16. Now, um, here's is this is a a pivotal part in 2024 for me because um I still was dealing with a lot of other things, which we will all talk about that. That's a whole nother series, okay. And as dealing with one side um of my life, my babies are turned 16. Now I I didn't have a s a sweet 16, but my girls was about that six 16, and I just I just I've been trying to plan my I've been wanting them to have a race of 16 sweet 16 since I don't know, they're like they were like eight, nine years old, I've been talking about it, and then I think even before then, and I've been like, oh, we're gonna start playing in a 14 and this and the other. And unfortunately, because some of the things that this the way that I wanted to do and be and all that was not coming to fruition, so I started to like no no no, I'm gonna no, um, I'm gonna do it. And then like one of my uh one of the twins, they was always going to somebody else's 316, and I just like oh I gotta do it, I gotta do it. But things were not going the way that I was planning, and this is where I also but this is where I realized how much of my mindset and this um this thing that I have uh how much I used as an armor um and a shield because it was broken through this. Okay, so let me explain. So I have already used to I have already um told you guys that like I'm used to um like I'm I'm used to people I'm just used to people letting me down. It's it's inevitable. Like I just know like if anything, no matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter what happens with me, I just know that I'm I'm just know people gonna like not and it's not even like to the to me to be honest, um, because I'm so used to people not showing up for me, like I can sh give people a hundred percent fit 100%, 150%, and I saw this before. But people may give me 50, people may give me 10, people may give maybe I'm they maybe give me 70, you know? Um, but they're never gonna give me be there for me as much as I'm there for them. And so I don't I think it it's because I'm so used to it, it's not even necessarily as of a letdown even anymore. It's just this is how things are. And even now we in June, July, we're in July. My the girl's birthday is out August 14th.

Podcast Support And Expecting Disappointment

SPEAKER_01 8:10

So we we are in the summertime, and I'm actually still doing the podcast, I just started it, and I was getting, and I actually got a very good, I mean, a very good response. You know, people were calling me and they were texting me, and you know, they like, oh my god, this is so good, and everything else, and it was blowing me away because even though um leading up to the podcast, because I'm still working on this Brique book, we're gonna we're gonna get there. And um, I told them it's gonna be a book, and then I said, Well, maybe I just like I told you, I think I said this in this that I was actually gonna make it a um because every time I went through not went through things or as I learned things, I'm always was sharing it. I found myself sharing it with so many people, especially at work, and they like, oh no, we need more of this, we need more of this, and that is, and I said, Well, maybe I should do a podcast, and they was like, Yeah, do it, do it. And I was talking about it for months, and they was like, get it done. And so, um, it's starting in May because I told them that I was gonna get it done by June first, something like that, and I knew that if I went to work and it wasn't done, that they would look at me like, you know, what's up, and that's the one that's what made me make sure. And so, but I did not, even though they said, you know, we we would listen to it, we need it, we want it, and more so they more so not just one, they really said they need it. I did not expect them or people to really listen. I really did not, to be honest with you, I I didn't. And at the same time, but I knew that that people needed, and I knew that God was saying, like, listen, listen, you need to, because he's really been um dealing heavily with me about like that this that he put in me that people really need it, and they're like craving for it. So I not that I didn't expect people to listen, I just inspect the people that I know to listen. Um, I'm I am used to more people that I don't know, like not my friends or neighbors or whatever case can be. They say they there for me, but I'm not I don't expect them to really be there for me. I expect strangers to be there for me more than the people I know to be there for me. There are uh um like a small remnant or handful of people that I know will be there, but not like outside of that, it's like maybe, maybe not, you know. Um I'm used to um I'm used to a very I mean a very like small handful of people who really there who really genuinely care for me or genuinely um like love me for real for real. Like when they say they love me, they really mean it. Um other than that, people love me because of to some degree, well, you're my cousin, so I love you, type of a thing, but that's it. Like it's not it's not like I will go to bath for you. I don't know, well it's not even that, because I have family members, like cousins who will go to bath for me, but it seems like they will more so go bath for me because that's how we grew up that that's your cousin and you always will fight from to a certain degree, but not because like I'm not sure I explain, like, not because I genuinely genuinely care for you, you know? To me, that's what I seem like I will go back for people because I genuinely I genuinely care for everybody. I don't care what you have done to me, whatever, I really genuinely care for everybody. And I just don't assume that people genuinely care or love me. Um, like outside, like for who I am, and they really do value me as me and value our relationship, um, whatever it is. Um, even if it's family, it's just family, like, oh that's just my cousin, so yeah, I love her because she's my cousin, like that, that's it. But not really like, oh no, that's my cousin, and I would like you know, and but I value her as who she is as my cousin. So but so I was getting a very good response, like literally getting a good response, and you know, so and I kept on, and then like even I believe this was in the summertime, yeah. I think it's around the summertime, like I even and I made a podcast about like when I went to because I'm always finding myself, you know, in places and starting off one thing and then like just really talking and really pouring out to into people. Um and this is when I poured out to someone else who was actually a store owner, and so you know that's the podcast that I made a while ago. But I also was dealing heavily because I think this is a season where um not only was I like I really was understanding the impact that it has on not just me, but how it's impacting me as a parent and for my babies. And

Doing Everything Alone Hits A Wall

SPEAKER_01 14:06

so, you know, of always thinking that someone's gonna let me down, someone's gonna let us down, so I have to do everything by myself. I think I'm s I'm so used to doing everything by myself, and then like I was constantly being things that were supposed to happen, and I leaned on the person that was supposed to help me wasn't helping me, and things was just like falling apart, and yeah, things were just falling apart, and I were I was getting overwhelmed and I was trying so hard. I was trying so hard. And even when we got to the party, you know, it was just not the way I I'm it wasn't oh god, it was it was it was almost a disaster, you know, and I I literally was like heartbroken because I tried so hard. But then again, I'm always used to again one doing it by myself. Uh one, I'm also used to like because you know, people there, but then it don't be there. What I should have done was use other people, but I didn't know how, right? I didn't know how because again, I'm not used to people really helping me for the most part. Um, so I didn't know how I think at that time as well it was to stop because so I have my core people that I know that I can to some degree, but I think it was time to stop using these people. Like other people love you too. But I didn't I didn't know how to utilize them in but I really but I it it was like but oh it doesn't matter because like you know it doesn't matter be I don't know it just it was like it doesn't matter because you know so what like I'm used to it being like then if people don't know what I went through I don't know how to explain it but it was a lot it was the party was a lot because I really wanted so bad and it was my big dream and for my girls you know because you know to really like just make this I just wanted to be beautiful for them and I just wanted to make them to be happy and I just wanted it to be like I just want them to shine like diamonds that they are. I just wanted I just wanted so much for them, and I'm always um feeling like that I'm disappointing my babies, like I like I'm trying so hard, but there was so much always been against us for a very long time, and I just and it was still so much against us at that time, which made even harder, and I was like really struggling, like come on, we gotta get this done, and then things kept just being just that's just things just kept being against us, and and so you know, and I just felt more like a letdown, and what I did not understand, um at the same time, you know, like I said, we're talking about triggers, and we're talking about where they come from, you know. We didn't get to the point of really learning that, you know, what core rooms, we didn't get there yet, um, in 2024. But at the same time, we forgot where it came from. And so getting trying to get their party together and getting this and getting that and running around by myself being overwhelmed, but I gotta do this because these are my babies, was a lot. And I did send out, you know, invites and they sent out invites and things like that. And I I guess those that came, I saw maybe like maybe one or two people that I knew, whatever. Um I don't know, the whoever came, that's what I expected to some degree to their party. Um to some degree. There's some people, whatever, but I don't know, that's what I expected. And because I'm used, I'm I said, I'm used to people not really being there for me. Um and which is like I understood that because like one so a couple years before that, my son, no, wait, we in 24, so 23. The year before that, my son went on Sprom, and someone came to me and was just like, uh Lisa, like we wouldn't we why you tell us we would be there before that we'd have been there. And and I remember they when they came to me, I was I thought about it, and I was like, Oh, I'm sorry. Then I thought about it, like Alisa, you like you wouldn't have said nothing anyway, could you just assume that nobody was there for you? Like I really do assume that no one really cares, like, and I I just like I would have even if I gave it to you, I wouldn't assume that you'd have been there because I'm I'm used to people not being there for me or like I'm not saying the people that love me, like I don't know, it's just that I don't know, because I'm not in this I'm on the outside. You know, I don't know, I'm always on the outside. So why would I why would I expect you to think that you will want to be there or be there for me and my family when we're on the outside? I'm on the outside, so we're on on the outside. Um, in a lot in in areas, so you know, so I wouldn't have because I d you know, I don't know. To some degree, so it didn't I don't know, it didn't matter. So the next year, so now we're in the next year where they're turning 16 and it's like you know, um, but I reali I'm really learn realizing this, this COVID mechanism that no one's ever going to be there for you gotta do everything all by yourself and and um you gotta you gotta change this because after their party was there for the most part, the people that they really liked to be there was there. And so they were fine and happy, even though it wasn't a lot of people, it was really not a lot at all. But they were fine. They get they was fine with it because we're simple they're they're simple people. They're not I don't know, we're used to it, we just we just got used to like this little small remnant anyway. We um as much as I wanted to be this extravagant thing, to be honest, like I don't think we would have a I don't know. I just I wanted to be extravagant, I wanted to be big, I wanted to be whatever, but at the end of the day, I really was thinking like it really is not gonna be that big and be extravagant because think that it's not you only have a small remnant of people that's really there for you, they're really for sure for real. That was I was thinking. That's what we're used to. That's what I'm used to, so that's what we've been used

The Reminder Mistake And A Wake-Up

SPEAKER_01 21:42

to. Um, people say they're gonna come, people say they're gonna do things, people say, but they don't really show up for you. And I you know so but the next day after their party, um Like when I sent out the device, I didn't know I did not send like reminders and stuff like that. Which I know people usually do. And I know people forget, I do, because I forget stuff. And then when I get the reminders, like, oh, okay. But I didn't send it out because I felt like I don't know. I just didn't think people was gonna show up anyway. So what's the point of sending the reminders? But I got a lot of flat for not sending out reminders. And when I got the first one the very next day, I said, okay, alright, okay, I get it. I'm sorry. But then like that whole week afterwards, I was getting a lot of like, oh my god, like I oh my god, you know I would have been there and did it. And I'm just like, wait, what? Right? Like, wait, what? And people were genuinely upset. This right here was a like a very like this is a shifting realization. Like it just shifted a lot um in this because here I like I said I'm not I'm just used to people not really being there from this is very this is very like I don't know if this is small to you but this was big for me because sometimes like some you know this is where they really we're really it shifted because this is where I really realized that how much of this coping mechanism this this mindset this oh nobody really cares you only got this small and the small is like my mom and my sisters right obviously like you only have them mediate people that really care except from outside of like one or two people like my pastors and you know some of the church family like that like do you only have you really only have a very small a small like very very small number of people who actually care and love you value you they don't it's very small I I really don't think that even though I have a lot like you know I bowl and things like that so I have you know people you know I a bowling family but even with that bowling family I was I don't think I wasn't thinking and didn't think that people actually care you know we bowl we just whatever case may be and we cool here but outside of that like would you want to really hang out no I don't think I didn't think that uh I didn't think that that even though they feel like like I because I always grew up that I'm they may call people may call I don't know people may call me their best friends but I wouldn't call them my best friends because they can't pour it to me the same way, so I'm used to that. It's been a one-sided relationship. I told you all that beforehand, so um, but there are people who because I genuinely care about people, and I'm genuinely for people, and I fight people, I don't care how much you for one per one minute. If I realize that there's something there or whatever the case may be, I genuinely go to bed, go to God, or whatever the case may be, and you know, with that, but I didn't think that I don't know. I'm just not after when we start, I don't know. It's just that I get better reaction from strangers than people I actually know. Um, and so I just but this really so it but it affected me this way because now we're talking about my babies because more people would have been there for my babies. More people would have been there for them, and they would be able to see that oh my god, I am loved, you know. And I realized that I can't stay here, you know. We gotta figure this out because it's really affecting my babies. Um this mindset is really affecting my babies. That's what I was thinking, like, oh my god, I'm so like, and that's all I kept thinking after that, and I even apologize, like I'm so sorry, you guys, that people really was gonna be there for us, and I gotta I gotta change because I gotta change this because you know, like literally people really was coming to me left and right, you know, upset, genuinely upset. And because and it took them, it took about maybe the sixth person to come to me. It was the one or two people at first, it was okay, well, that's nice. I didn't expect people to come anyway, so it doesn't matter. I didn't say that out loud, and I didn't say that to them, but that's what I was thinking, like it's okay, like it doesn't matter. No, I was inspected. But when it was like the fifth to sixth person, and it just kept more and more people was coming to me, and I'm like, wait, what? Like people actually care about me, really? Like, wow, that's that's crazy. And because I'm really used to nobody really being there for me and mine. For other people, yes. For other people, yes. But not for me. Not not from not me. Why would you why would you be there for me? You know? Um did I really feel like um that people value me? No. I'm always was looked over overlooked. You know, I was always overlooked for the most part. Why would they be there for me? Why would they care? Like, you know, I I you know, I I deserve us, but it um it it so that was a pivotal moment.

Challenging Core Beliefs For The Kids

SPEAKER_01 28:36

It was a pivotal moment for me because I really understood like how your mindset can really it can it can you know like this can really affect like everything that you do and don't do things you didn't hear from other and not especially if you're a parent, it don't just affect you, but it affects how you parent, right? It affects everything, so it's spilling over to them, and I'm really now taking like, oh my goodness, so all this time, like everything that went wrong may not have gone as wrong because I would have been able to kind of lean on other people than these little not these little, they're not little, but I mean, but I was trying to say but this small group of other people, and I saw that God was saying that you need to you need to expand because you are valuable, you are valuable, you know, um, and people do see you as a value, um, and you like you know, so there's many blessings and things that I was blocking. Have you ever realized like do you when did you realize that you may be because of some things in the past that some disappointments that you have in the past, but now you're allowing it to dictate your current capacity for support? Are you accidentally blocking your own blessings and your family's blessings, your kids' blessings, because you you don't want to ask for help. You just assume that you know you just carrying from year to year to year everything, and naturally, this is exactly what I was like the rest of this month. I literally had to sit down, like I cried for the rest. I'm I listen, I cried because it really, it really, like I said, oh my goodness, like all this time, all this time, I could have just pulled on other people, and to some degree there was other people saying, like, if you need help, you know, just let me know, or if you need something, just let me know. And I just didn't let them know because what's the point of letting you go? You're not gonna do it for me anyway. But in reality, I should have just well, you told me let you know, because I'm used, oh my goodness, I'm so you I was so used to people saying let me know. And I let them know, and they still let me down. Like my daddy was one of those person people that you know that said, let me know. I even to this day, it's hard to really. I I just I don't ask my dad for nothing. Like I wouldn't ask him for anything because I just assume that he just not gonna do it, and he keeps saying the same thing, so you know, but I'm like, no, don't do it for me. You can do it for my sisters, but don't do it for me, and that's just the truth. And so I take that same thing and just put it on everybody, instead of allowing them to just, you know, like so because your daddy told you let, you know, and maybe not always came for you, you just assume that I'm gonna be like your daddy, or you're just gonna assume I'll be that other person, and not giving them the opportunity to actually, you know, to test that. And so I had to change that. I had to change that. It made me really dig deep as far as what else what else is this core belief that system that you have. It's time to challenge that. Because you're not, it's not just about you, Elisa, it's about your babies as well. And one thing I one thing I do not play about is my babies, you know. And because I told you that the reason why I'm here, and one of the main reasons why I'm here is about my babies. My babies, I don't I need to change, I need to change for my babies so they won't be growing up like this, you know. My babies, I love my babies and I don't play about them. And so when I realize that I'm hurting my babies, like this mindset is actually hurting my babies, um, I gotta change it. I can't stay here. And and I can't stay here because I'm blocking things for them. Um people being there for them, people pouring out love for them. Um, but that's what I used to because that's what I learned. That's what I learned. That's my mama did, and I realized, oh my god, this I saw this when I was a kid. And so I'm like, oh, we can't stay here. I'm not staying here. So, yeah, that was very pivotal. That was big, because I'm telling you, and it was it was embarrassing to almost, but at the same time, like, well, we used to an embarrassment. Everybody always like, you know, I'm gonna be I just used to it. But my babies was okay, but they couldn't be, but you know, there was a little disappointment to some degree, but not that much of a a disappointment, because then it to some degree we're used to it. Um and but we didn't I don't have to be used to that anymore. And so, yeah, um hopefully I learned my lesson. Now that I'm thinking about it, because we're about to have a graduation party coming up for them, and so we're that just made me think about that. Alisa, did you learn your lesson? Did you learn your lesson? So, yeah, yeah, we okay. That all right, because that's what I just asked myself that question. Did you learn your lesson? Because we're about to have this um this graduation party, July 25th, and let's see if you learned your lesson from two years ago.

Reflection Questions And Closing Affirmation

SPEAKER_01 34:55

So, um, thanks again for tuning in for this episode. I will see you next time. Okay, until then, uh think about that. Start beginning to think about what are some things that you uh some past hurts or disappointments where you are now allowing it to dictate today. What what's going on? What went on in your past that you're allowing to dictate how you move today, instead of just leaving it, that was the past, and today's a different day. Okay, uh, so I'm leaving you with that. And until next time, understand and know that you are loved, not just by one, not just by some, but by the one, not just by one, but by the one who created you in his love, and he is not the only one that loves you. We love you unconditionally, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing that you can do to change that. See you later. You are a positive, so I am a big