You Might Be Wrong About Who You Are

You ever look up and realize you’ve been living as a version of yourself that was built to survive, not a version that was built to be free? That’s where I’m starting, with a raw 2023 overview that became a prequel to everything that hit in 2024. I’m talking about identity, self-worth, spiritual healing, and the painful moment when the “real you” shows up and you don’t even recognize her.

One of the biggest turning points is May 2023, when my mom almost died and needed back-to-back surgeries. While I’m trying to recover from my own internal “surgery” and finally choose myself, everyone expects me to do what I’ve always done: fix it, carry it, save everybody. I name the cost of that role, the guilt that comes with boundaries, and the mirror moment where I have to admit, through tears, that I’m not the Messiah and I can’t keep doing God’s job.

We also get into how the voices in your head get there in the first place. I connect childhood church life, family dynamics, and constant pressure to the lie of “you’re too much,” plus the way people can shrink you when they’re threatened by your light. I even use A Bug’s Life to explain why intimidation works so well and why reclaiming your authentic self feels like rebellion. If you’re working through trauma, people pleasing, identity confusion, or faith-based healing, this one is for you.

If this speaks to you, subscribe so you don’t miss the 2024 chapter, share this with someone who’s learning boundaries, and leave a review. What’s one belief about yourself you’re ready to question? I challenge you to really look at yourself. Is this really who I am?

You are Loved!

Not just a little, but greatly

Not just today, but forever

Not just by some,

But by the ONE who created you in His Love

And HE's Not The ONLY One

We Love You Unconditionally
                      &
There's nothing you can do to change it!!!!

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Transcript

Welcome And Why 2023 Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome, welcome, welcome. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Be Clay. It's your girl Elisa, and I am so glad that you are tuning in with me today. You could be listening to anyone else, and you are here, and I appreciate it. So um, just to let you know, again, um, we are doing we're doing great. We're doing great um as far as making sure that I stay on my schedule and I'm excited. Remember, I say that we are celebrating every milestone, even if it's small, okay. Um, consistency is the key and discipline, it's not easy, okay. So, with all that being said, um, if you uh I did upload my last episode pretty late because it took a minute with the editing, but we are here today. I'm actually going to upload um so today I'm actually up. No, today I'm actually recording two episodes. That's what I'm saying. Today I'm actually recording two episodes, but I am going to upload one exactly today, and then the next one I'm going to upload on um the schedule day or Wednesday. Um, because I realized that um as I'm you know really looking back that I need to do another episode. So first I was gonna say that I was gonna do two episodes for each year, but I'm realizing that to be honest, to really trying to unpack um everything in each year is going to take a little bit more than two episodes. So um this episode is like basically a prequel to 2024, and so um, and 2024 that's definitely not going to be in two episodes because there's a lot to unpack in that year. That year was uh there was a lot, okay. Um, but we will get into that. I don't want to get ahead of myself for 2024,

The Theme: Learning Who I Am

SPEAKER_00 3:00

so here we are. So in this episode, um we are going to basically give a 2023 overview. Um, I realize there are some things that, especially within the last half of um 2023, that I because I didn't want to put so much um in that episode make it too long, that I didn't really emphasize exactly what that year was. Meaning, um like if I can really give uh themes for that year, I will say that this was the year of really learning who Alisa is. Okay. Um, who is she, like literally, who is she? Um that year basically was the year where the really where the idea, and I know I talked about a hit on this, but I really want to emphasize that um what it really means, um, where you don't know where you basically you um don't know who you are, like literally. Um being now leaving my 30s, you know, going to the 40, um, and at this time, let me see, 2023, was it 36, right? 30, 36, so 36 going to 2037, right? And so for a long time, I've been living in this body, and I've been living in this version of myself that I like I was like gone home. Like, this is who I am, this is my personality, and it's not really who I was. Basically, what has happened throughout the years, I um I have really just um created different versions of myself, and we're gonna get into that. So let's let's start in 2023. And 2023 was a lot, and it hit me bad because um there are some things that I

When My Mom Almost Died

SPEAKER_00 5:20

hit just a little bit but did not get did not go to fully, and we're going to fully today. So in May of 2023, my mama almost died. Okay, she uh had a severe wound, and it almost costed her life. That hit me in such a way that in reality, I mean, it it did. It hit me in such a way. It it mattered fact, I'ma we're gonna I'ma say that it hit me in such a way, but it was very crucial again because I had to learn who I was. When we're talking about being in survivor mode, right? When we and I'm talking, I'm literally talking about being survivor mode. Um then when things come up in your life and it challenges the ver that survival version of yourself, and it hits differently, right? So um so I almost lost my mother, but at the same time I did really lose. I was really losing. The biggest thing I lost was in 2023 was the person, the idea that I of who I really thought I was. Um and it it was bad. I mean say it was bad, but I'm saying that again you have to become when you come to terms of who you really are, it's it's like detrimental because you've been this way for so long. You just knew that this is who you are. And the idea that this is not it's like you're grieving, you you know, you're in a grieving mode, right?

Church Roots And Being Silenced

SPEAKER_00 7:20

So let's let's start. So um when I grew up okay, I understood at a young, a very young age that it was a great call in my life. I understood that um through different things that the way like being grew up in being let's start over. Growing up in church, right? We and back in the day when I was going to church, especially being in Kojik, baby, you was in church all day, all night, correct? So um, and I it when I was there, um, I was serious about it. Like, you know, what are we here for if we're not gonna be serious? And again, I told y'all that it wasn't just getting in the church, but I was getting at least the word at home. And I think I told you about my grandmother and things like that. So y'all understood that I did have an understanding and a comprehension because basically I was as people say, at least you've grown up, you basically are grown, right? Because I have maturity, but uh again, I had maturity because I also was reading the word at home, right? Um, so with all that being said, it understanding that I had a high calling, and there were some things that I knew that I couldn't do that other people could do, and even as a even at a very young age, okay. But at the same time, the there was a there were adults and my peers who saw this great light that me as a child have. This um it it just brung up so many challenges and opposition against me. So I guess these things challenged what was in them and triggered with with them and intimidate within them, you know, whether if I'm if I want to be 100%, but they only want to be 50%, but how is this little baby trying to be 100% and I want to be 50% it and it challenged and triggered, what's wrong with you, right? And so instead of just, you know, are that's just her and I'm me, or instead of you know, just you know, even getting to that part where I want to be 100%, they decided to um really it uh silence me and it it they um you know it they the persecution that I received caused me to now uh eternalize the lie, right? And the lie of I'm too much, right? Alisa, you too much. They used to say at least you no one thinks like you, you know, you're the only one, and um all these things, like those are the main things. So I began to take that and say, Oh, that's who I am, Alisa, you're too much. Not that, but that's that was a lie. I'm not too much, it's just that y'all don't want to be there, and that's fine, right? But if it was I became that, right? So in order for me to survive my environment, I shrunk, right? And I buried the true vibrant woman of God, or you know, child of God, little,

The Versions I Built To Survive

SPEAKER_00 11:00

you know, that I am, and be and built a safer, smaller person that will be accepted. And to be honest, I had different versions of myself. So I had a version that would survive in school, and I had a version that would survive both sides of the family. So I had one for one side, the one for the other side. I had a version that was gonna survive in the church, and I had a version that was gonna survive at home in different homes and different times. So, like the which version was gonna survive um while my dad was still in the house, and then what's the version that was gonna survive when my dad was out of the house, and when I was actually when we were going to my dad's house, I had a version that was gonna survive then, and then I had it, then there was a point where um I actually lived with my dad, so then I had to, you know, make a version that was gonna survive now living with my father. So, and I basically made you know slight adjustments of who I am. No, you can't, and after a while, that became my true personality, and it's now we are talking about I am 36 years old, and God had done this major surgery in my life where he cut this great mask, this great mass of sickness, the tumor, the cancer, he cut away not everything because he can't, but he cut a great amount, and now this amount is gone, and I'm left sitting here, and the real person, like, yay, I could come out, and I'm like, who are you? I don't know this, I don't know this person, because in reality, I have been groomed to find to know that that vibrant, that that great light, that um that burst of energy, the sun, right? The one that warms wherever she goes, um, because she housed the glory of God. Um, she she housed the joy of the Lord. Like she, this person is bad. Something is wrong with her. She's too much, like I said, I used to say, I'm too much, I'm too much. You don't want to be around me. People really not gonna be around me for too long because then they're gonna realize how bad I am. Like it's you know, like, you know, at least you think too high and you you hear, and I'm like they they're not gonna want to be around me. I don't have real friends, they just want me because I mean I do, even in the version myself, a little bit of the real person is there and I'm able to pour into people, but you're you know, I can't I can't be around you but for so long, so I I'm always will back away and stay at this point, you know. Like I will stay at a certain level. No, you're not allowed to go to a no past this level, right? This is so I've been this this is who I am, so now it's like, oh no, we out. And I'm like, no, we ain't. I don't know who that is. I don't know who this person is because that person was taboo to me. Because that person is bad. That's what people was making me feel, and we're talking about family members, we're talking about it's not even like um is one thing where it's um, you know, the closest to you made me feel the worst about myself, and and that was even up until 36, right? Um, even the relationships I told you was making me feel the worst about who the real person is. So, because you the only one and no one else, and not understanding that, you know, um it's a good thing that I'm disattunted to God. Like, it really is a benefit to them, but they made it feel like they made me feel like that there's something wrong with me because and um so I became I realized that that quiet person that I made myself to be, I'm really not that quiet. Uh I I I became a supposedly introvert that I thought that that's what I was, but I'm really not. Um I became shy, but I'm really not that shy, right? These are so I was really at the place where um I challen I was challenging the idea of who I thought that I was, and the real person was like, hey, woo-hoo, like we finally can be us, and I'm like, who that? And then I don't know you, you're not it. This is the real person, right? This is the real person, and um, but it wasn't, so I'm back and forth, I'm back and forth because I'm I'm scared, like I'm traumatized because I don't know who this person is. I buried you, I don't know, I buried you, and I continue to bury you still each year. If I if you look like you came up a little bit, I just threw more dirt on you, and now you up because again, he cut away these things, and then you come you're coming to the surface, and I'm I don't know who this person is. So I'm fighting, like this is wrong, that's bad. We don't know, and I'm fighting, I'm fighting. And then God is like, no, no, no, no, ma'am, no ma'am, no ma'am, no baby girl. That's this is who you are, this is who I created you to be. And I'm like, no, you didn't, no, you didn't, no, you didn't, right? You created me to be this, and I'm fighting with God. This is what you created me to be like this, you created me to be like that, and he's like, No, I did not, baby girl. No, it's not who I created you to be. That's not who I created you to be. And I'm and I'm like, Yes, it is, because this is where I've been on my life. No, I didn't create you like that, and so it was hard because um, it was very hard throughout these that throughout this whole year, um, even in that first six months, he began to show me. Um, you know, he was beginning to show me, but I didn't believe it because again, I thought that that person, who that person is, is something's wrong with her. Because that's what people allow me to be. Understanding

A Bug’s Life And The Lie

SPEAKER_00 17:40

that. Um, so let me this is a great example. I love this example. I use this when I'm telling you when I first watched this movie. Every time, like I just I love this movie. So in the movie A Bug's Life, right? Oh my god, I love this movie. And I actually did a podcast on this, but you know, again, all my stuff been deleted, it's only on YouTube. But let's let's talk about it. A Bug's Life. If y'all didn't see it, first of all, I love this. Don't don't get your life. But in Abug's Life, um is basically, you know, the grasshoppers, they, you know, every year they came and they intimidated these ants to make them feel smarter, to make them feel and uh they made them feel like they were the the like the crumb of the crumb, like they was nothing, right? And because you're small and we're big, you're supposed to serve us. And but that's not true. In reality, they are they outnumber, first of all, they outnumber the grasshoppers, and they are actually, even though they're smaller, they're actually they're actually stronger than the grasshoppers. So Hopper for years, well, I guess you know, it's been passed down, passed down, and the thing is, it's been passed down, passed down from generations to generations for both on both sides. So for the grasshoppers, somewhere, somewhere down the lines, whoever, whoever it was, they however it started, they was like, hey, I'm gonna make you serve me. I'm gonna make you be, you know, like I want you to, I want you to do that. And they put a whole bunch of fear in them to make them feel like, oh my god, like I'm nothing, I'm just nothing, right? Basically, I'm just nothing, I'm just so small because and you're bigger, so um, we're just you know, we're at the bottom of the totem pole, and you know, and to for them to serve them. Um, and in the in the there's always one, right? But in this movie, what really gets me was the scene where Hopper at the um there was a scene where Hopper was saying to his brother, his brother, like, yo, why we keep going down there? This doesn't make no sense. Like, we got enough food here, whatever the case may be. Like, what is what is this? Why we keep going back down here? And Hopper says, Listen, let me tell you something. Those ants, let me for real, for real, like they're they're stronger than us, but I don't want them to think that. I don't want them to know that they're who they are, I don't want them to know the power that they really possess. And so I have to keep them under my feet, just so that for my for my sake. Okay, because if they really find out who they really are, we're basically done. And when I thought about that, when I was watching, I said, that's what the enemy does all the time. So these people in my life, right? Young, old, my peers, people, my family, um, whatever, in church, in school, all around, they was like, hey, if she really knows who she really is, baby, like, um, I'm done. I can't compete with that. I can't compete. So I'm gonna say stuff, I'm gonna do things, I'm gonna really um beat her down to for her to believe that she's nothing, so that I so it'll be better for me. And so that's what's happened. And I took on that everything that they were saying, even though to some degree I didn't, I don't know, like, I mean, there was times where I it was conflicted, but at the same time, this was the evidence of what I'm seeing in front of me, so that's what

Music As Prayer And Loneliness

SPEAKER_00 21:55

I was going with. Okay, whether it was you were ugly, this and the other, that's why I walked. Around all these years. No, I can't sing, right? Especially let me talk about the singing part because there are people who look at me like, What are you talking about? You can't sing. And I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about, I can't sing. And that came from someone who from somebody in my life who constantly kept telling me and making me make sure that I knew that Lisa, you really cannot sing, right? And so I I remember, I re actually remember when I started like as a child, when I just said, because at the end of the end of the day, when I was singing, first of all, I grew up in church, so I was singing all my life. Okay. Like since I was able to talk, I began singing. Um my mama was in the choir, my daddy, everybody, okay. My mama, my grandmama, like, you know, everybody sung. So um we was always singing, and my mom was in all the choirs, so that means eventually I became in all the choirs because I go to rehearsal, I will sing something. They'd be like, Yeah, she got there. No, yeah, come up here, and eventually I will sing with them. With all that being said, um, but singing to me was the only way that I could communicate with God. Um, there was again, I told you, it was so much persecution that I was going through, and I mean it was great persecution that I was going through in my house, um, because family came in the house, like it was just a lot. And um, this was the the best way, it was like a a secret way to really communicate with my God. And, you know, I can hear he would speak to me through music, through chords, through um like little messages through the through the tempo of the of the songs, the beat, the drums, the this and that. Like he we this is how we communicate, and that's all I cared about. Like, I did not, I never really was singing for entertainment. Um, I never really was singing just because this is how we communicate. This is the only way I know how to communicate with God. Music was my best friend. I didn't really have um like uh human best friends because again, remember, I grew up thinking like since um since my grandmother died, I just grew up feeling alone, to be honest. Um, I'm not saying that there wasn't not one person that didn't love me. I'm not saying that to be honest, there were people in my life that um I just that was there for me, but at the same time, they didn't have the capacity to be there fully for me. Um the full version for me of me, meaning the one, the prophet in her, the one that sees all this stuff, like because I was a seer, so I am not, but I am, but as a kid, so I would see a lot, and there was only one person that was able to um that had the capacity for that complete person, and that was my grandmother. But I remember I told you she died, and so everyone else was okay for different versions of me. Um, but their complete real version of myself was my grandmother. And so since she died, I always I just felt alone. And I just began to take care of everybody because again, I was a you know, that's one thing I knew how to do. We're gonna talk about that, um, especially later on um in this episode as well as the beginning of 2024. So I began to talk, you know, take care of everybody because obviously I'm the only one that, you know, that knows what's really going on, right? Who knows what's really happening, and no one else knows. So I have to do it. And with all that being said, so um music was just that was my best friend. That was my best friend. Um, and so I was always singing because again, that was my best friend. That's all I had. So when they would say, Oh, Lisa, you can't sing, you don't sound this right, you're not this, you're not that, I took on it. And so I said, you know what? I don't, I'm not, I never, you never heard me say that I can sing. I just do it. But okay, so I began to say, I'm just gonna say, if anyone ever asks me, can I sing, I'm just going to say no. And um I'm just gonna say no. And so if they if I sing and let them be the judge, whether they feel like I can or not, but at least they they don't have no expectation, no great expectation of anything, because I told you I can't, and I've been doing that for a very long time, for a very long time, and I've been carrying that with me, and that's the things I'm saying. Like these, like you really have to be open that the version of yourself that you have been these last whatever years, depending on how old you are, um, if you never got to the point where you basically sat down and defined the version of who I think I am, the idea of who I really believe, what I really believe I like and don't like, um, where did that come from? Is that really me, or did it come from what people said? What my mama said, my daddy said, what my daddy did, my, you know, um, my grandmama. What was was is this the real version of me, or this is the version that I created to self in survival mode? Because, and I'm telling you, like it literally was an eye-opener because I literally had to take that person that I thought that I was and throw her away. And now I'm gonna say, but I was scared because that's all I know. I don't know this other person. I don't know, I don't know the real person. And so God, like I really didn't believe my true identity. And so, and it really um, it really, it really, oh God, it really just it was it was hard. That was the real struggling, the real struggle of 2023, because um it was a struggle, and it was a struggle, it was a struggle, it was bad, and it was just like um the way, like the last, the last, because because once I got that cut away, even though I was on a high, I was beginning to see these things, but but I was such in a cloud, it didn't matter. But then at the same time, um, I thought that when I get down from this high, that that I guess that old that that old version was still the right version, but we just a little more clearer. I don't know, I don't know really that makes any sense, but that's what I thought. And you're telling me that that person is is wrong all the way wrong. And so I was going through the season of finding and defining the real voice, the real true voice, like what Lisa at Lisa really sounds

Seasons, Storms And Unmasking Voices

SPEAKER_00 29:25

like. And um, and it was a lot now. Just like in seasons, you know, um, we got summer, winter, fall, spring, right? And these seasons typically last about three, we'll say about three months, right? 90 days at least, or whatever. But every day in these seasons is different, the weather is different. You could have uh a heat wave that lasts one day, two days in the summertime, and even in the summer times in the heat wave, you know, let's just say we have one week heat wave, and then on day one it's like 90, on day two, it's like a hundred, and then day three is like you know, 95. That's three different right of about a weekend at the end of the heat wave. Now it's a master thunderstorm, right? And that's exactly what I was going through. Day one, I'm like 90. Day one, I'm gonna do it, and sometimes I drop down to like 60, which that can even happen at the same time. Doesn't mean that um just because the days are different and the weather is different and the temperature is different, and you have thunderstorms, and then you have um maybe a hurricane, does not mean that all of a sudden that that season has changed, that we're no longer it's no longer summer or it's no longer fall. The season is still there, and so I was still free. It's just that we have to now weather the storm, um, the different days throughout the season. And that even that was even hard to figure that out, right? We're just thinking that every day is supposed to be sunny. That's just like even the spring. Now we are technically almost in summer, and we uh technically almost, well, you know, summer salts, the summers don't really technically start until June 21st. However, we feel like over here in Philly, like, yo, do we even have spring? Like, I feel like we just went straight from winter to summer. Like, I don't we're we're with spring. I think we maybe have one or two days of spring. Where you go? Can you know, we would like for you to be here so that we can, you know, have the transition, right? So uh, but then but then not it does not take the take away the fact that summer doesn't really technically start to June 21st, and we are still in the spring season, and so understanding that was very crucial. So basically, um 2023 was unmasking these voices that I was hearing, you know, the voices that really was that I thought was my voice, and it wasn't my voice, it sounds like my voice, at least you're too much. Remember that, like you're too much, but that wasn't my words, that was other people. Those were the things that people were saying to keep me at a very um broken state, at a place, a belittle place, because if I really truly understood who I was who knows, because even in that state, I st there was still some light shining, right? And how can there be a bright light shining in with her look like that at this state? So if she really understood who she was, baby please I can't compete with that, right? If she really tapping to who she really is, baby please. Because look what she's doing, even as much as I beating her up and making her believe that she's ugly, that she's a bad person. Like, I be like I really belittle myself, have me at thinking the lowest of the lowest of like of me, you know? And then when you have real people who come around and they look at me and they're like, What are you talking about? It was always confused, like, how do you how do you see yourself as just what are you talking about? You are greater than what you think you are, and I'm like, I don't know who you think you're talking about. So the mirror,

Caretaking, Guilt And Family Pressure

SPEAKER_00 33:45

so I had to really unmask, and that's bringing back to my mama. Um because this was this was very crucial and really how like to be on, like this is very crucial the last six months, because so in the first six months of 2023, right? Um I I was like, okay, I'm I'm choosing Elisa, right? Even though the diversion of Elisa that I thought I was choosing wasn't it, but but I'm still choosing her. And we're choosing to become free, whatever it takes, right? I explain that. So I had to kind of like back away because Elisa is the one who takes care of everything for everybody, everyone and everyone knows that. Alisa got it, she got it, right? She's going to do it for everybody, she's going to run down and just go. The problem is that as much as I was doing for everybody, I wasn't getting the same for me. Meaning, people wasn't going as much as above and beyond as I was going for them for me. As much as I really cared and and worried about everybody else's anxieties and how they feel and and their, you know, me, their insecurities and different things like that. No one never asked me, are you okay? No one never really understood um how it made me feel they didn't matter because I was there for them. And now I have to be there for me. And I told you I was getting the opposition for it. So now one of the biggest things that happened, my mama almost died. My mama almost died, and everybody was calling me and was like, Alisa, why didn't you? And I'm like, what we talking about here? Like, I first of all, my mom is grown. Okay, she's growner than me because I'm, I mean, she had me. What are we talking about here? And it was hard for me because I couldn't even believe like how do we get to this point? But so I had to deal with my own self. Like, here I am trying to think about me and trying to, you know, take care of me. And then as soon as I do that, my mama's about to die um because of some things, and and everybody looking at me like I'm supposed to fix that. Because that's what people are used to, me fixing it, but I can't fix it anymore. Do you understand the me being everybody's savior? What they did to me, like my I barely was a mother to my own children. Like, even as a wife, I barely was that. Like, I don't even, I don't and that, and with even that, I don't even know who I am with it because I'm worrying about everybody else. I and this is part of these voices of who is really Elisa. Some of these things are a lot, everything for the most part, was what everybody was telling me, you know, um, as I was taking care of them. Um, and that was hard. That was hard. Because, like, why didn't you? Why don't you? And I'm like, what are we talking about? Like, I'm trying to fix me. Like, do you understand how broken I am because of this? Like, anyone asking me, are you okay? No. Cause Lisa just was able to mask it, her own feelings, push it down, and keep it moving. But I couldn't do it this time. And this is was that was the um, because in May, it was a lot going on. My mama, like again, she almost died. Think she's still here, so thank the Lord. Um, she had to have surgery after surgery, like back-to-back surgeries, um, at least three of them. And it, I mean, like, I was all over the place. Um, and I almost quit. I honestly almost quit. And then God was like, but then it's like you can't, because that's when, you know, I started really seeing what people how it was affecting other people. But I was like, I can't, I don't know. Like, I gotta be, and I I was so quickly to take over. And it's like, no, you can't take over. That's the problem. You take over, that's why you still don't know who you are. So it, you know, trying to choose me and my healing. Now I feel like I'm letting everybody else's down. And I was drowning and desperately like trying to figure out my own surgery. Like, I just got surgery, spiritual surgery, and I'm trying to recover. But now my mom almost died, and then I'm trying to be there for my sisters, and then every you know, Alisa Wyatt, and you just take over and you know, blaming her, but it really wasn't her fault. Like, it so, but you should should have done it anyway, but I'm tired of doing it anyway. That's the problem. Like, I'm tired. Like, do you understand the the demand, like the that the how the toll that it takes on me doing it everything, the weight that's on my shoulders that I can constantly put on my shoulders, taking care of every single body. So I had to really

Boundaries And “You’re Not The Messiah”

SPEAKER_00 39:50

fight. I I had to really fight. And I had to really say and and I had to learn, Alisa, you're not, you cannot be everyone's savior. I had to look in the mirror through the tears and say, Alisa, stop trying to do God's job. You're not the Messiah. You can't carry the weight of of your family and then survive. You are almost dying. And that was that the pivotal. And then all the the the so I had to that was the once I said that that was the beginning of the where all those voices came up of who I thought that I was. This is too much, this and the other, this is why this is why that um came up, and I'm like, okay, but then I but God was really trying to he was really trying to He really and this this was this was hard because this is who you really are and bringing light to that's not really you. That was this person. That's not you, that was that person. That's not you. That's what they they told you that because that's what they wanted you to believe. Because if they really like he literally is bringing truth, and I couldn't, I couldn't, I don't know how to receive it. I didn't even I didn't know how to receive it. I'm like, what are you talking about, God? That's not true. And like, this is true, and I was like, no, and I didn't even thought like God, you you, you know, we're not really that close, like close like anymore. We used to be at one point, but not now. And he's like, no, baby girl, you are, and and and then we came to the even the conclusion, because up until December 31st, um on this day, I was like, I was fighting back and forth. I mean, God was really, I was like, I couldn't, I couldn't believe it. And it wasn't until um through someone on the last day of the year, and he said, Alisa, listen, this is who you really are, and I hear you, I still hear you, I hear your prayers clearly. Look at your mother, she didn't die because I heard your prayers, I heard it, and I heard your true prayer because I came to him with the truth, God, you know, and I had to learn, I had to learn, and that broke me down because the way that we hear these voices, we began to think that it was God, and how we approach God is different because we we began to call him a liar instead of and calling the enemy the truth, and it's it's the other way around, it's the lies that we believe that is our true self and it's really not, and so the challenge of me, the true me that he created versus the one that I created and though and the that I was groomed by people who didn't want me to know my real light. That was 2023. So I'm saying be open to the fact that you might be a hundred percent wrong about who you think you are, and don't fight the stranger that God is bringing out of the tomb. Don't fight it, don't resist. It's hard, it's ugly, it's chaotic, but don't give up on her or him, the true person that he created, the real purpose, and you can tell because you you're fighting it the most. Every time I somebody say something, like, let's just say, like, my sister was, I think I said something like, no, I'm really shy, you know. Every friend that I come to, like, and to be honest, is the truth because like I don't go to, I don't really go to people to say hi, or whatever. People just come to me and then then we're talking, whatever, right? So I'm really introvert. And they'd be like, and people's like, what do you what are you talking about? My sister said, What are you talking about? You're not an introvert. What are you saying? Like, you always got a friend somewhere. You always is. I'm like, what are you talking about? That's not me. That's not really me. People just come to me and that's then we're talking, but and I don't be understanding why they're talking to me in the first place, but whatever. I'm not gonna be rude. So, but little things, I'm just saying, little things that people say when they see just the little parts, the real parts about you, you know, um, and then you fight against it. That's not really me. I'm really this. But are you? Because where did that come from? Where did that come from? So are you really ready to challenge your part your this personality that you grew up thinking this is who you are? Because that could be 100% not who you are, most likely it's not. Because I'm sure I'm not the only one who had to create versions of themselves just to survive, just to survive. So

Tigger Energy And A Final Challenge

SPEAKER_00 45:57

that is 2023, and um because we again I'm gonna leave this in because we try and it because understand it's not just who you are, but you trained yourself to be this person, right? Like you trained yourself to be, like I said, the little old me to sit in the back. But that's not who I am. I belong in the front as a leader, even Tigger, my name Tigger, right? Um, that's my nickname. That's not just the person I just like, but I really became that was me. And I even was like, oh, at first, I at first when I first was watching Tigger or the world was Tigger, um I loved Tigger because I understood that I just saw me. That's me. You know, bouncy, bouncy, up and around, always cheer up a buddy or pal. Like that was just how I move, how I act, and everything else. But it began again, the beating of people just make me feel like something's that's you know, something you're not supposed to be like that, you're supposed to be like this and this then the ever. So I began to become reserved. So now Tigger was just oh, some, you know, a little character that I like, but not really understanding that's that was me, that's my voice. I and then even when it became my nickname, it was just a little cute little dickname. But then I began to realize. Well, I didn't fully realize till later that that bouncy, vibrant, empathetic, joy-bringing energy is really who God who made me to be. For the world told me to quiet down again. Is that really you? Is that really you? I challenge you to really look at yourself. Is this really who I am? The voices that I hear that tells me the eternal voices that I hear that motivates of who I am, my personality. Is that really my personality, or is that what's created by the world who wanted to shape me that better suited

Loved Greatly, See You Next Time

SPEAKER_00 48:15

them? So until next time, think on it, and I will be back with 2024. So until then, remember you are loved, not just a little, but greatly, not just today, but forever, not just by some, but by the one who created you in his love, and he's not the only one. We love you unconditionally, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do to change it. See you later. You are the partner, so I am a big