Are You Willing To Pay The Cost To Be Healed?

Healing gets celebrated like a glow-up, but nobody warns you about the bill that comes due in the middle. I’m Alisa, and I’m sharing the real “what to expect” before I break down my year-by-year healing journey. If you’ve ever said you want to be free, but you keep backing out the moment it gets hard, this conversation is for you.

We talk about the cost of emotional healing and trauma recovery in a way that’s honest and practical. I explain the mental and emotional withdrawal period that can hit when you stop relying on old coping mechanisms like people pleasing, codependency, isolation, or numbing. Your mind can panic when the habits that helped you survive are gone, so we get specific about replacing them fast with healthier outlets, prayer, boundaries, and trusted accountability.

I also name the parts nobody wants on camera: the ugly phase, the slow levels of healing, and the root work that takes time when you’re undoing decades and generational patterns. We get into grieving what should have been, facing the truth without getting trapped in a victim mindset, and rebuilding identity when you realize some “personality traits” were actually trauma responses. The goal is not just to survive, but to thrive in truth and respond differently when life gets heavy.

If you’re ready to stop running and start staying on the table, press play. Subscribe, share this with someone who’s trying to heal, and leave a review so more people can find this journey.

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Not just a little, but greatly

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Transcript

Welcome And The Clay Mission

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Hello, hello, hello, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to another episode of B Clay. It's your girl Elisa. Okay. Um, I just realized that I haven't. Um I think in the last two episodes I didn't even introduce who I am. So here I am, it's your girl Elisa. Um, and here on the BK Piecast, we are on a journey of allowing ourselves to be broken down, remoded, and shaped into who God truly created us to be. Because you know that um clay has to be broken down, it has to be stripped of its old shape, and it has to be completely soft in order for it to be remade into something new, and so we're learning how to do just that to be molded from being broken down to the potter's will and be molded, okay? Not fighting, not resisting, just be molded. So um, this episode is um in the middle or in between um uh basically uh my other episode. Okay, so right now, um my plan is to have my episodes actually uploaded every Wednesday. However, um because there's some technical difficulties um which should be uh fixed uh within a week or so, um you're actually getting all these episodes all at one time. So um my last episode, which I uh would have been a week from um which has been a week from Mother's Day, right? Which is the 17th. And their episode today is actually May 19th. And um so I told you that in that episode um that I am going to give you each year of of 2023, 2024, and 2025, um, of how I healed. How I healed. This is something that as I have been um you know basically uh sharing, people have been asking me, well, how did you do? Because I want to get to where you are, and so I am going to give you my journey, but so um, but this episode, okay, uh this episode is going to be the what to expect episode, okay.

Why This Is A Reset Episode

SPEAKER_00 3:26

And when I decided to do this um today, actually, I did actually want to do it yesterday, but it's today, okay. Um, I wanted to do it yesterday, uh, which is something I really would go into, and I want to really get in my head of myself for the 2025. But yesterday was a year after um a year anniversary when I really when I really learned something that I brought up in my last episode about um learning that how your children can learn what you're not seeing it more than what you're saying. Those insecurities that you're feeling, um, you know, they begin to manifest that um in their lives. And so last year, um May 18th, 2025, is when it came to my realization on some things that my children was walking in that came from me that I didn't even realize that they were walking into. And so I wanted to do it last yesterday as to what to expect because um, because sometimes we don't know what to expect. Okay, so um, so here we are.

The Breakdown That Forced Change

SPEAKER_00 4:44

So in the last episode, um, I talked about making the decision, right, how to finally get on the operating table and just let God do a complete work in me, right? I came to the conclusion uh basically understanding that I was trapped in a cycle and I was just continuing to do the same things over and over again and expecting a different outcome, which doesn't make any sense whatsoever, correct? We understand that, um, and we know that, and I was like running from all my past hurt traumas, um feelings, things that I have um learned, you know, I even it's even things that wasn't all of m that belongs to me, a lot of things that I took on that really belong to my mama and you know, and other people in my family, but definitely my mama. Um so um all of these things that I just took on and uh was just going through so much torment. And so that I realized that I just can't do this anymore. Um I understood that I couldn't do this more because of I got kids. Um so at the end of the year of 2022, um I just had a major breakdown, right? Um, which was a turning point for me. Um it was a a deniable breakdown and uh not explained how my children saw it. Usually I'm able to um kind of have my breakdown and and you know, behind closed doors and then put on whatever I need to put on in order to try to be the mother best I can, but this time I couldn't and my kids seen it and it scared me as well as my children. And so um with me not necessarily know how to really take care of myself, um what I had to do was tell my children, listen, um, and let them know, look, you know how um then when you get on a plane, the they tell you on a plane that if you know if something happens and there's no air or it leaves pressure, that we have to put the mask on ourselves first before we help anyone else the next to us or you know children, everyone else. But mommy never learned how to do that. She never learned how to put the mask on first and then someone else. And so by the time I um by the time I get the mask to even put it on myself, I really have nothing left. Um and I can't be what I need to be for you. So mommy at this moment is learning how to put the mask on herself and to work on herself. And so this healing journey was me basically putting the mask on myself so that I can be there for them as well and myself. Because, you know, when I especially like when I had the babies in the beginning, they told me, you know, take care by by taking care of your children is taking care of yourself first. And I just never learned I never learned how to do that. I really did not. I didn't know what that meant. Um, and every child that I had, people was telling me that, you know. But I I just I never learned how to take care of myself, okay? I never learned that, and I just think that to thinking ever someone's like, you know, a doctor needs a doctor too, and I just didn't know how to figure that out. And I'm learning it now. So um, but this is B clay, right? So we have decided to get on the table, right? Because we're being clay and we're learning to um be molded.

Counting The Real Cost Of Healing

SPEAKER_00 8:43

But I want you to understand and know that there's a cost, there's a cost to healing. Um, and so this is why I'm bringing up this episode because um sometimes we fin see the finished project product or and even the heal and say, I want to be healed. And you may hear my saying, I want to be healed too. And and there's nothing wrong, I want everybody to be healed and be free. But I just want you to understand there it costs. There's there is a massive cost, it costs a lot to get here. Um, it's just like you know, like how I used to watch uh HGTV back in the day, and um and you will see all the shows and the different things and the real estate, and you know, they make it look so easy to flip a house or whatever within the episode, and what you don't really know and you don't even see is how much it costs, right? Like how much it really costs when you when they buy a house, and then like you know, they show a little bit sometimes of like the different um things they get through, like it might be some mold or um termite damage or something like that, but the but they're they only show you like it's it's is uh major damage, but it's minor at the same time, but you never really understand all that in details and entails as far as fully flipping a house or especially and depending on what area that you're flipping and all those different things, right? And so this episode is going to show you um the cost, not show you, but I'm telling you, I'm being transparent, telling you what the cost and what to expect because one of the main reasons why I was you know going through that um uh I just want a quick fix is because it cost a lot. And when I began to go through healings and realize how much it would cost and it what um was expected, I began to like, oh no, I'm and I'll go right back, I'll run away. And I don't want that for anyone. Okay, so I would rather tell you so that you can know and understand, and so that you can be prepared as much as you can be prepared, understanding that um everybody is different, so what it costs me may not cost you, but it's going to be a massive cost. It won't be the same price, but it's gonna cost you. Um but make this will help you make in your mind um if I'm willing to pay the cost, right? If I'm willing to pay the cost. Um so because I don't want you to run. Because it's gonna be it's gonna hurt and it's gonna be heavy, it's gonna be deep, it's gonna, it's gonna cut. Um, and I don't want you to run. Okay, I don't want you to run. I'm you I used to run, and then I decided not to run. But I and I don't want you to run as well.

The Mental Withdrawal Period

SPEAKER_00 11:50

So with all that be said, one of the first things that I want you to understand what to expect is the withdrawal period. Okay, and what I have learned that there was multiple withdrawal periods, okay. Um, at least for me, I think each year um was a withdrawal period. Even now, um in 2020, that we're in 2026, I'm going through a um, actually I can say, hmm, yeah, I'm going through a withdrawal period. Um, and you don't understand that withdrawal period, um, like if you've ever been on uh you or somebody you know um have been addicted to drugs or anything like that, um, and they decided to go sober, that the but because the body has been so used to because you know we are our creatures of habits, and because the body has been so used to using that and to function with these things, um, these substances, then it's just um it's the same thing even with your mindset, um, the thoughts that you have, all of that. So when you're detoxing your body of your old mindset, your old thoughts, um everything else, you're going to go through a withdrawal period. And and it's like even the mental, like, like just as what you go in the physical and the natural, it's it's like the same thing mentally, emotionally, um, you know, where you shutting down isolation. Um, uh, these this different, because you know, these are survival tactics. The the different survival tactics we use um uh as far as like drugs, alcohol, sex, um, you know, uh, all those type of things, our mind and body are also utilize the same things that you know as to survival mechanisms, right? The coping mechanisms, you know, we shut down, isolate, we always all the people plays in the codependency. Um, that which I have definitely learned. Oh, Jesus God. Um, uh the codependency, um, all of these things are toxic habits that we have and we utilize, and so when you stop using them, your mind literally goes into like a shock, okay? It began to panic, it begin to Icause it's like, wait, what? Like, um, Jesus. Um, and I didn't realize that there's an actual thing as a withdrawal period mentally and emotionally, like from these habits when you're learning. I didn't realize that. That's one of things that I definitely realized in 2023. But well, you know, I'm not gonna get at myself, but I I really learned that, like, oh, okay, and um, there's a withdrawal period, and I was panicking and I was just all over the place, and you know, like it was just like mental shakes, literally, okay. Like, you know, you um if you I don't I never really seen nobody physically withdraw period other than what I've seen in movies or TV shows, but you know, you've seen like they'll get sick, they'll have they will be shaking and sweating and all of those different things, but it's the same thing mentally and emotionally. Um because you're stripping away, right? Um all the all because these are again coping and defense mechanisms, and so now your body, your mind is like, wait, I don't know how to function without these, but you do, and you had to find different ways to function. And just like in the mental, you know, in this in the natural state where um with the withdrawal period, and this and this, and this brutal, baby, it's brutal, okay? Um, I ain't gonna sit up here and you know, sugarcoat is brutal, it's very brutal, like it's brutal. Um, that withdrawal period of those old mindsets, I mean the old way of thinking. Um it's Jesus, it is brutal because you have been thinking like this for a very long time. You know, you get what I'm saying to you, like, um, you know, no one loves me. Um was by myself, and um, I can't trust people. All of those things, like those, because you thought about it so long, it became your character. So that's why the withdrawal, you're going to be shaking it. And I and I'm and I learned that it's not, it's it's levels to this withdrawal period. Like you may have in the beginning, just like you know, when you say I'm making a change, and you start, okay, I'm not thinking this anymore, and you start replenishing it with better thoughts. When things come up, your brain literally try to go back to those old thoughts. And then it's like, no, we don't go to that. And like it's a it's a it'll be a battle, right? It'll be a battle. Um just like in the natural, it'll be a battle because your your your mind has been used to these things, you know. Um, just like I've talked about food, right? Every time you felt something, or whatever case and be, your mind like, oh, I need this, and you're like, no, I don't need it, and you'll be like, Yes, I do, and he'd be like, No, you don't. Like it's a it's a battle. And so you have to learn, now you have and also now have to learn and replenish with a different with a different uh outlet, coping mechanism, um, defense mechanism. And in order to do that, um you have to have this is where you have to learn and you're you're gonna be learning why why you use what you use as your defense mechanism. Does that make sense? Um so that you can know what to replenish it with. So that's gonna take some time. That's not gonna take that's not gonna be right away. And it's not gonna be it's not gonna feel good. It's gonna hurt. Um so you you have to re but you have to but you're going to have to learn how to replenish like right away. Um when you detox from a uh toxic outlet, you have to deliberately like plug it into a healthy new outlet. Okay. Um you gotta you gotta plug in right away. Um, this is where you can use. I use prayer. Okay, that's what I did. Um I began to create boundaries, and I didn't do this by myself. Um I uh and this is where you began to do things you didn't do. So, like me, like I was so used, I told you I was so used to doing it by myself. So I will sit there and I would go through this by myself. Like I would sit there and I will go through these mechanisms, you know, and use that as my COVID mechanism, use that as my therapy, use that as whatever. But this time that's not what I was doing. This time I was actually saying, This is what I feel, this is what happens to me, this is what's going on. And so, and I and I found a tr and through prayer, I um it allowed me to um uh basically find um a trusted source, all right, to help me stay accountable and help me through this withdrawal period. I did not go through this wall withdrawal. And just like you see sometimes, you know, there's sometimes you see TV. I I haven't seen nobody, but I have seen people on TV when they go through withdrawal periods. There's somebody there, you know, with the towel on their face and when as they're sweating and as they're throwing up and you know, as their body detoxing. So I had someone right there and there, right there, helping me through these withdrawals, um, through this the shakes and through the throwing up and through the purging and through the all of that. They was there right there as um in addition to God Himself. Because the first couple days, actually the first few weeks of the withdrawal period, like I literally was like lit, no, I literally was like throwing up. My kids was like, mom, what's wrong with you? And then I told them, remember, I told you, like, you know, and then I I literally was. My kids was those, like I I I did become like physically um uh I l I did. I did, I did literally, I literally was like thrown up for like two weeks straight. I lied to you not. Um yeah, I was, I was, and then my kids got scared again. I was like, remember we good, this is good though, this is good. And that was through prayer. Um and uh yeah, that was through prayer and prayer and really seeking God like never before. Um so that's that

Levels Of Healing And Root Work

SPEAKER_00 21:15

first point. So my second point is, and what I did bring it up too is that there's a level to this, okay? Just there's level to all of it. There's levels to um um there's levels to like I said, there's levels to your withdrawal period, um, because you're gonna go through multiple periods. Well, I went through multiple periods, so I so you may be going through multiple periods. Um, but there's levels to this healing. Understanding that. Um the the crazy thing is we we don't these habits that we have, this mindset that we have these thinking, that we have um these copometing, that we have defense. Mechanism, survivor moves with all these, I mean, or whatever you want to call it. Um, it did not happen overnight, right? Um, it took multiple, you know, years to develop to for these things to develop, and yet we wanted to be done right away. It's that's it's not gonna happen. And so I want you to understand that it's levels to this, and the best thing to do, do not rush it. Let it take, let each take, let each level take the time that it needs. Um, because it's not a one-day fix. You have to understand we're talking about decades of your childhood, um, and then there's things that you eat just not just your childhood, but the things that you inherited from your parents and grandparents and your aunts and your aunties and and aunties and uncles and and their aunties. I mean, come on, the great, great, great. There's a lot of things there. So there's levels um to that, you know, even the village that you had surrounds you. So you might have your neighbor, you know, church members, whatever, um, all those things that you inherited, all those seeds that that was planted now has to be uproot, you know. Um, all the roots that has been grounded and you know, deeply grounded in you, they all gotta be plucked up one by one. So there's levels to it. Um, there's levels to your healing, and you have to allow it to each, like you have to allow it to take all of this time. That is something I had to learn because I, again, I was just, you know, like, oh my God, why does this take in along? And it was just like, you know what? And I actually set my boundaries of okay, this time Lisa, we're not gonna rush it. Okay. And um, because I used to rush it. And like, no, Lisa, this time, we're not rushing it. I didn't like it. That it was taking such a long time. However, we were not rushing it. I I I didn't care. I didn't care. We were not rushing it. I was led to take it every level of time, we were not rushing it. Um, and one of the reasons why I was also rushing it, not just because of the fact that I wanted to have her get ready, because what I looked like during it. Um And I'm gonna bring I'ma come back to that part. I'm gonna come back to that point because I'm gonna go ahead of myself on that. But I'm gonna come back to that. Okay, so um, because so I started, um, let me see. I started I think it was like 36 or something. 36, 22, 36. What are we in? 27, what we in? 26? We were in 26. So I was like 36. And so I didn't really start really healing, like really do massive healing until like 36. That's 30 years of that's 30 years. You understand what I'm saying, y'all guys? That's 30 years. Okay. So because it's 30 years, 30 plus years, um, yeah, that's not gonna now and not saying it's going it's not taking 30 years to heal, because that right there, because I started setting boundaries and I wasn't rushing it and doing what I need to do, the test of healing. I actually, I don't know, I did a lot in my I I say I did a lot in a second year in 24, but we'll get to all of that. Um, then knock some of this 30-year stuff off. Okay. Um, because you have to really, like I said, dig into the root. Okay. Dig into the root. Um, it's just like, okay, so let's just say with the trust, right? With me not trusting people, because only person, as far as I was concerned, all I had was me. And I had to really begin to dig dig, all right, um, the root of that, of why I don't trust people. That takes time. Okay, and how far you have to dig, that takes time. Um, so to see when where did this come from? Why I don't trust people. Who was it that broke my trust that say at least you are you know you're the only person you can trust? Who did it? Okay, and so um, um, yeah, I had to figure it out. Because I definitely, you know, like you said, we know by weeds. If you don't pull it from the root, it's gonna come back and gonna come back with a vengeance. And so in order for it to stop sprouting, um, you have to go to the root. And so you gotta go to multiple roots, right? And multi and roots have like you know, they spread out, right? So that one thing and it spreads out, so you really have to go to each and every last one and find it, um, to dig it out.

The Ugly Phase You Cannot Skip

SPEAKER_00 26:56

Another point that I want to use is the ugly phase. And so I'm going back to the point of um the reason one of the reasons why of me rushing it, right? Um because um so one of the reasons why I used to rush it is because of this one thing right here, this main thing, the ugly phase. What I look like during the healing. Because I used I was in I didn't look great. Um, I looked at some of these pictures that um during these years of like the last three years, and I was like, oh baby, you looked a hot mess, right? Um and during this, I like I'm very I'm a very transparent uh person. Okay, I'm a very transparent person. This is what I did not okay, well, I'm not gonna say I did not expect this, however, I did not like this. Um years ago, um years ago, it was told to me that Alisa, um, you have to allow people to see um the broken parts of me. And I don't like that because people um beat you down in that in that in that process. Um they don't understand what's going on, so they just talk about you like so bad. And I I hate it, right? Um, but there is a phase in healing where you just don't look great. You really look like what you've been through. Um, you look very heavy, you look tired, you can't even um like it's but it just looks bad. Just like a house looks very bad before, because like when you we talk about HBTV, like you know, when they start demolishing stuff and all that, it looks horrible, right? Especially if you start breaking stuff down, you see all the mold and termite damage and this, that, and the other, it looks bad. Um, some you know, but and I hate it. I I I can tell you about it. I don't have no problem telling you about the ugly phase. I just don't want you to see it. I'd rather you not look at and see me that way, and that, and that like I you can even see me in the beginning of it, and then see me at the end, and then I'll sit down and I will tell you like I'm the wise village woman, you know, and and tell you what happened in the middle. But God was like, no, Lisa, you're gonna have to let them see it. And I never liked that. And so this time I let everybody see the ugly face, and it was bad. Baby, it was bad. Um, it was hard for me to let people see the ugly face. Um, because the way that people speak immaturely until like they just injudge um what they don't understand, the blueprint, you know, and everything that's going on is bad, and it makes me feel worse. But this time, um I just, you know, it is what it is. And I didn't let I didn't let people's like the things, and I'm not mad. Again, this is immature things, you know. Um, especially of those who are not of God. If you're of God and you're in the spirit, then obviously, you know, God can say, listen, baby, um, you're talking about her, but you have to understand where she's coming from and what's going on. I just need you to pray. You get what I'm saying to you, like, but if they're not in the spirit, they don't know. It's basically you gotta walk around and say five figures for the end of there, they don't have to do anything what they were saying and keep it moving, but and allow, I mean, allow people to see you in this ugly face, and the ugly face is nasty. Oh my god. Ugh, it was so bad. I looked at such a mess, and I ugh, it was hard. But it was hard. It was hard, it was hard. And I'm talking about from the head to the toe, it was hard. Um, but um it when you go through the ugly face, and then uh everybody's ugly face is gonna be different. But just like, you know, remember, people go, you see people go through withdrawal periods, they don't look, they don't look like they look bad going through that withdrawal period. Um and um you just gotta let sometimes you just gonna let people see it. Uh and just let the people know I ain't stay, I um I ain't staying here. That's why I kept telling people, I can't stay here. I'm not staying here. Don't worry about it, I'm not staying here, right? Um, so um I had set the boundaries, but I had people look at me like, oh, you're not really. I told people, and it's it's even if like I said, it's level two things, and I might have passed level uh let's just say when I started and I was, you know, after the withdrawal period, then I realized that I passed uh, you know, certain levels, and then I was in this ugly phase, and then they would tell me, uh, oh, I thought you were healed, you're not really healed because they're looking at me and I'm going through this ugly phase, and I didn't allow that to stop me because I know where I came from. I used to allow that to stop me, and I used to because I know how people are, and I knew it was certain people who did the same thing each time, and I used to allow that to stop me this time. I did not. Okay, this time I did not. Um, so you have to set every milestone, you have to celebrate every single win for yourself, and no matter how small it is, no matter what it's, I don't care, I don't care what it's, I don't care if you used to um every time something happened and you go and you buy a brownie from Wawa or something like that, old and pretzels. Oh my god. And then this time you go in, you ain't buy it. Celebrate that. You get what I'm saying? Every little thing, that's what I did, and I did not lie, I didn't care where nobody said I know what um what was a win for me. And it meant it may not matter to them, but it definitely mattered to me, and I celebrated like it was a big thing. So um those are the things, even and even in my ugly face, to be honest with you. I got to the point in the ugly face where I didn't um when it was a win for me when I seen the looks that people were giving me, when I seen the um the facial expressions, and I can tell what they were thinking, and I did not allow that to determine, I did not allow that to make me go to run, and I did not ex accept it, because you can choose what you accept, right? And I did not take that because they don't know. That's what I said, you don't know. Now, if you want to know, you can ask me, I'll let you know. And then you in that little thought, whatever, you you you'll second guess that. But I'm telling you, like, I'm like, all right, well, they don't know. You just see me wait, you just wait. Take a picture. So the next when you see me come through, you be like, oh, snap, look at God. Okay. That's what I did. I used that to um uh motivate me even the more so this time. This time, because baby, I used to run because I hate the ugly face. Um, another point that I want to uh do is the um you you ooh, it's a great cause.

Grief Truth And Giving Grace

SPEAKER_00 34:11

This is one of the hardest parts, okay? This is the one of the hardest parts when it comes to healing is um really sacrificing the uh your perspective, the illusion, um, and feeling every pain that you went they went through. I was actually talking to somebody today and let them know that um like there's certain pains that I never even felt, like when my daddy left. I never took the time to figure out, Alisa, how you feel about your daddy leaving? Like, if you were to ask me that a couple years, you know, some years ago, I'd be like, how do I really feel about my dad leaving? Because I never I never felt that pain. I never felt um, I never dealt with whatever, whatever the emotions were. Um But you have to sacrifice what um what you thought um of everything, okay, and face the exact truth of everything. Um and when I'm saying that is so facing the real truth of things, okay? Um there's facts and then there's truth, right? And there are facts that can be truth. Um because it's not gonna be easy, but especially when you face the inner demons of um and all of that, but you have to sacrifice your idea of what should have what you think that should have happened. Um, how do you think that people should have been your mama, your daddy, you know, I'm saying your grandmama, whoever took care of you, like oh my god, they abandoned me, like all that stuff like that. Um, they wasn't a good mama, all those different things that you thought that should have happened, you gotta sacrifice that. You gotta sacrifice that. You gotta throw that away, you gotta, you know, but deal with those why you feel that way, right? If that makes any sense. You have to sacrifice um what you thought and grieve what the idea that you had of what the type of um mother you should have had. Like my dad, he left. So I have I have to sacrifice the fact that I would have a dad that was here for me the whole time, even especially during my teenage years and things like that. Sacrifice and the uh idea of you um uh of you teaching me what a real man should be, right? Like and how he really should treat me and all those different things. Um for my mother Um who raised me, I and I have put this, who raised me under depression, um, sacrificing the idea of her not raising me under depression, right? Um sacrificing the idea of her not even understanding that she was depressed, so though she can get her things and not learning how to heal herself, and now I'm learning how to do it myself in my well, right, in my 30s, right? Um, those are the different things that I had to, and you know, um, but give the grace through, like give your parents the grace. So the truth is that um, like the perspective, like I said, my mom and my daddy did different things they should have should have done or shouldn't have done. Um, but really realizing the truth is, so like my dad abandoned me. Well, his dad abandoned him, so all he knows is abandonment. He don't know anything else, right? So basically, he's um basically acting out on the only blueprint that he actually learned. Um, so um, and I have to feel that, right? And I have to feel and grieve that loss of a dad that did not abandon me. And um, you know, and um, and then my mama going through the things that she went through, and um did she really learn how to heal herself from people before her? So, how was she learn how to do so? The the support system that I have and why I'm able to heal, did she have the same support system? Did my dad have the same support system? And so with that, they was doing whatever they can do. Okay. Um, one of the things that was hard for me, and I'm still working on this, we're still working on this because um because um, like me growing up um and in the things of God, um, He wants us to heal. And when I came to when I came back to God at 15, and we'll go back to that story because I actually put it in my episode beforehand, but you know, I told y'all before things got deleted. So we'll come back to that in another episode. But when I came back to God, I said to God, I don't want my mama's guy, I don't want my daddy's guy, I don't want the whoever teaching me on Sunday. I want you and you're gonna have to teach me you. That's what I said. Under with understanding that just let's just go off because I don't know when my actual dad um divorced my mama, but at 15, my mom and my dad have been actually, you know, we're just gonna say that he did it as soon as he left, right? At 11. Um, so they've been he divorced for four years. If my dad came back and said, you know what, I changed my mind, like, you know, my bad, I'm sorry, let's try this again, they would actually have to learn, relearn each other, correct? Because um, they're not um the same versions of themselves that were they were when four years ago. And so they would actually have to learn each other, they would have to actually um take the time to be taught of who the other person is and the version of where they are now, and so with that understanding was the same thing with God. I don't know how to be in a relationship with you. We know that, understand that. And so I need to learn how to be in a relationship with you. Um, and so that is the thing that I did. And so in here, you have to give yourself the grace to read to basically um and those who all those that I mean, all of those, I mean, really feel the the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, the disappointment. Feel all those feelings, um, with but with the grace for the truth. Okay. Um, because we you want to stay, you're gonna be trapped in that victim mindset. And as your as long as you stay in that, you will never heal. You're you will never heal. Um, you have to um like give the grace to those those people that you know why like you if you don't trust, why you don't trust? Some people just don't know how to love. Like, you know, they don't know what love is, you know, like and but that's the truth, regardless of the fact that's the truth. Feel your feelings so that you can heal it. Feel everything. Um, and then sh, you know, um all the stuff. Now I have been molested, I've been raped, um, and I understand all of that. But I had to feel all of that. I had to feel all of that. Um, feel that uh everything, the loss of my control, why I couldn't, you know, like my son is actual um was conceived from raped, and you know, I had to feel that too, you know, being as I would say, forced into motherhood, all these different things you had to feel each feeling so that you can heal, right? You won't no more trying to numb it because um but sit in it and grieve, just grieve and process it and then just let it go. The next thing, um, I got two

Relearning Identity After Trauma

SPEAKER_00 42:05

more. Um, the next point is um now that with all of us um as you grieve in the loss of what you think it should have, it shouldn't happen, and everything else, you now and uh withdrawal period, because you now detox and detoxing um all these toxic habits and everything else, you will now actually have to relearn okay. This is a this is a part that I you know this this was this this was something for me. This was fun, but it was fun and not fun. I actually had to relearn, relearn um my identity, okay. Um, you are now learning I told you you have to be um willing to sacrifice right uh your idea and your perspective, even of who not just of what who everyone else, but who you are, your true and learning your true identity. And um because healing costs you your old perspectives of your others but it definitely costs you your perspective of who you are. Um a lot of identity, once you go through these healings and you start really detoxing these uh habits, you will begin to maybe understand that some of these character traits that we say, this is just who I am, is not really who we are, is basically what the type of person that we have cultivated, we have developed, that we have made up based on the different things that we went through, based on the trauma that we went through. Um, so uh and the trauma responses like this is how we survived. This is something that I definitely struggle with um within myself as far as identity crisis. Um Um, yeah, that's a whole nother episode. Um, but I actually, you know, with the identity crisis and not really know who I am, and I'm actually in the process of really learning who I am. I'm I'm like, okay, this is who I am, and we're now going to agree with it and stop fighting it. Um, and I'm really learning who Elisa is. Like, who is Elisa? And because if you say who's Elisa, I really have to kind of scratch my head like uh like I really don't know who she is. And so we really are in the process of learning. This is what 2026 is, and we'll talk about that, but that's what 2026 is when you're learning who Lisa is. Um so like basically, like uh for like for years I thought I walked around like, oh, I'm I'm really like my sister said something to me one time. Let me use this. My sister said something to me one time, like Lisa, you all uh like she looked at me as an outgoing person, but as far as I was concerned, I'm not an outgoing person. I'm more of a like an intra-person person, like I'm shy, quiet, whatever case and be. Now, when I don't use I wasn't usually going up to people, um, that what happens is when people come to me, for somehow I guess I got a face that people like to come and talk to me. I don't know, you know, but they did. And when they talked to me, then all of a sudden we like now I'm like outgoing, but initially I'm not, right? Like in in schools, at certain um times I would actually like sit by myself and all that type of stuff, and then eventually I had people come over, whatever. So um, but that's what I thought I was. But the truth is I'm really am outgoing. Like now that I have healed, I I was I was surprised. Like, like, who is this? Like, who is this person? This is Elisa, right? Um, now that I have healed, I I just and I'm not mad at it, okay? Um, that shy person where she is. Now I I still be quiet, but that's because I pays attention. We are the very detailed person, we don't play no games, and I gotta look at my surroundings spiritually and naturally. So that's another story. But um but at the same time, like I was like, oh no, I'm really not that very, you know. And I actually had a conversation with some another sister when we were talking about, you know, what that meant. And um, when we was back and forth, like, am I really a shy person or am I outgoing, you know? So um, but once you heal, you have to, you know, you begin to realize who you really are. Because uh and realize a lot of things that you thought you were were based upon like codependency, people pleasing, um, trying to be so the savior. That was me. Um uh all types of things, baby please, all types of things. Um, and then like, oh, that's not really me, you know. Um, so now you gotta throw away um, you know, uh because a lot of things, like I said, like that shy person or me moving away, that came from a lot of trauma that I went through. A lot of things that I went through, um, where people was, you know, like in certain areas, we'll talk about all this, um, where I basically was trying to be uh quieted because of the type of person who I really am. So instead of being like the male factors, instead of being what I didn't even be, they said they just quieted me and made me feel like, you know, you're too much. Um so I just kept quiet because I'm too much, I cost too much. I just I used to I believed that for a very long time. So now you gotta throw away all those rules that you have, you know, put up for yourself and um, you know, that real idea throw away those that old identity. Um, you know, even I actually had to learn uh the real role of a male and a female. I actually had to throw away everything that I've learned because it was all completely wrong. We will definitely get into that. For those who have known me, what we have already been talking about it, and so we will definitely get into even more on some things where I definitely some the things that I have picked up was like absolutely wrong, okay? Um, but once you heal, all these things will now make sense. Oh, this is what I really yeah, all those things, and now you gotta throw it away again. Like I said, you're gonna really have to throw it's gonna sacrifice that because you actually have to admit the fact that what I have learned all these years was absolutely wrong. Can you say that? And I'm going, I'm asking that question because that is one of the biggest um hurdles to go through when it comes to healing. Can I actually throw away um what I have known on my life, right? Um, because that was one of the main things that I made sure. Because I when God was telling me before, and like it was different years throughout my years, he had to say, Lisa, we gotta deal with this, Lisa we gotta do it. I'm like, no, no, no, dealing with it. At least we gotta do no no, right? And then at and then like one point, even at independency, Jesus Father God, right? The independent woman, um, Lisa, we you can't you can't do that, you can't be that. I was like, God, uh this this is all I know, so I want you talking about. And he said, Did it work? No, it doesn't matter, didn't work. The point is, is all I know, and I mastered it, and I didn't know it just from like my mom and my aunties, like her generation, but I'm talking about I went all the way back, okay? I was able to master it beyond them, okay? So um I mastered this, I know what to do, and he said, This is not gonna work. Like, I this is not gonna work, and we went through that, we will go back to that of how I took through throw that away. And so, are you willing and and able to throw those things away? Okay, um, everything that you have known. It's like because you really basically learn how to walk again, right? Like you literally, like you have to relearn everything, right? You um just it's like you might as well say you're born again a title. You have to relearn how to walk, relearn how to talk. Um, and it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be hard, but and it's you're gonna fall like a baby fall, but ain't really how to walk, but it's okay, it's okay. You got it, okay. You got it. It's my last thing, and we're about to leave.

Trading Lies For Truth And Staying Put

SPEAKER_00 50:35

So, um, because uh you know, thank you for saying this long. Um, but understand that um you're exchanging all of this, like all the trauma, the toxic for the truth, and the truth will set you what free. Okay, you exchange it because all those things are lies, right? The old identities, all of that, like those things were lies. Um, a lot of a lot of times when you walk away, it caused you to even walk away from the truth, which is God, because people did things and they stamped God's name on it. That wasn't Him, right? Um So you have to like even uh You know, though, you know, the cost of sacrificing your idea who you thought God was, um, what you thought love was. Um, there's so many areas in me healing, I realized I really didn't love this person, you know, or um, like you have it's gonna be some hard truths that you're gonna have to really be able to accept, or you're gonna be able to accept these hard truths. Um, you know, I only did this because you wanted me to do it. My mama wanted me to do it, or you know, I thought that was going to make you happy, but I really to be honest, or whatever, um, that's not really what it was. And so understand that the healing will cost you, okay, the comfort of these lies, right? Because you you you and that's what I'm saying, because like when you were inhabiting that victim mindset, you are comfortable. You don't that's you that's what I say, you really have to ask your questions. Are you willing to accept the truth? Because the lies we is what we held on. This is what we that's what motivated us. That was what we, you know, you understand what I'm saying, you guys. Like, I hope it makes sense. Like these, like we felt so so secure in these lies to a to a degree. As much as secure is it going to be because we were still in bond, we're still in bondage, because lies is bondage. Um, but we, you know, we made a home. We made a home, right? We lived in this thing. Um that victim mentality is something because oh I don't trust people in there. We think that's that's who I am, and it's basically because, you know, we never felt and dealt with, you know, everything. But we need to trust people because we can't really do this by ourselves, right? We're exhausted trying to do this thing by ourselves. Um geez, I'm telling you, and I know, because I was baby please. Um but these old narratives, it's just again, you just wrap yourself in all this stuff just trying to survive. But we don't need to survive, we could thrive. And so with the truth, if you are able to, you are able to thrive with the truth, not just survive, but thrive. You are able to thrive in this world. Um, even when things get hard and you know, people come, whatever, and now, like right now, I'm thriving. You know, it is there's some things that's happening, whatever, in my life, but I'm still thriving. And then sometimes hiccups and whatever, but because I've healed, I respond to things differently. Um, it's a difference. So understand. So we again, we're learning to just be clay and get on. So if you're getting on this table, baby, please stay on the table. No matter how, no matter how hard it is, no matter if you got to be scraped with those sharp tools. Okay, uh, but just stay on the table, baby. Stay on the table. Um, get let him cut away, let him do what he needs to do, let him get go through this, go through the surgeries, and again, don't rush the process. Um, but really take the time to I hope that you take the time and I uh to go to go through this these things and um um as you're healing and say, can I am I able to do this? Am I at the place when I'm able to do this? Um Okay. So um understand that the truth hurts and it's not gonna feel great, but it's the only thing that will set you free. So you can pay the cost because you will be able to be free from you'll be free from, okay, free from all of it, and it is worth the cost, okay? For those who see me like, oh my god, you're so hill, it's worth it. It's worth it.

Worth The Price Final Encouragement

SPEAKER_00 55:42

It's gonna hurt, but it's worth it, and so with all that, till the next episode, I will go to uh each year 23, 24, and 25, as well as 2026, because we are basically five and a half months into it, and so um until then, understand and know that you are loved, not just by some, but by the one who created you in his love, okay. Um, and he loves you unconditionally, and so do I. So I love.