Beyond Facts: Embracing Deeper Truths and Grace

What does it mean to truly see beyond the facts and embrace the deeper truths that shape our lives? In this thought-provoking episode of the Be Clay Podcast, join me, Alisa, as I continue my compelling journey of resilience, truth, and grace. This episode, expanding on "It's Okay that I'm Aware that I'm Rare," delves into my personal experiences with accountability and the intrinsic belief that everything we need to succeed is within us. Prepare to be moved as I recount harrowing childhood traumas that forged my emotional strength and inspired me to share these powerful, often unspoken realities.

Journey with me through my school years, where I faced relentless bullying and emotional and physical violations. These adversities forced me to become a keen observer, developing a quiet resilience and a strategic edge in social interactions. Discover how these experiences shaped my coping mechanisms and emotional intelligence, and reflect on the importance of grace and self-awareness. Through personal anecdotes, we explore the human tendency to cling to negative feedback and the profound impact of choosing truth over mere facts in our relationships.

In this episode, we also explore the transformative power of grace and understanding. Hear how acts of compassion from teachers and family members during my toughest times taught me the importance of empathy and respect. Reflect on biblical references and personal stories that underscore the significance of offering grace, even when it seems undeserved. Embrace the wisdom in recognizing our limitations and seeking divine guidance, as we discuss the journey of finding peace and letting go. Join me in uncovering the deeper truths that shape our lives and the grace that sustains us through it all.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:29

Hello, hello and welcome, welcome. Welcome, welcome to another episode of Be Clay Podcast. I am Alisa. I don't even think that I've been saying in every episode my name. So, with all that being said, here I am. So again, let's just talk or recap.

Speaker 1: 0:54

Number one. This is the second part of the episode of. It's Okay that I'm Aware that I'm Rare. If you did not hear that episode, you can go back to that episode. Listen to that one first. It didn't come here. Um, this is a part two.

Speaker 1: 1:11

I may say some things from that one, but I think everything that's probably pretty new. Um, be patient, because with me as I just as we go through this journey together. But I don't think I said I did say that in the last one that, yes, I am writing, I am, I started writing my book. I'm about to pick it back up. My goal is to have things done, or my book done, by the summer. This summer may not necessarily be published, but it would be finished. It will be written. Uh, because you know, tomorrow's not promised. Let's not continue to keep procrastinating, and I'm really, um, summer is my, uh, the end of summer is my goal to have these things done. Um, so, yes, so keep on the lookout and everyone that's listening, keep me, help me accountable. Like, hey, is it done? How much chapters you got? Let's get this done, let's, let's, let's work together. Okay, and any, any, everything, um, that you may have that you know that God has given you to do, whether it's writing a book, songs, whether it's maybe you are starting your own podcast, whatever it may be, hey, we can hold each other accountable and make sure we get this thing done because, listen, whatever we need to make it in this world, he already gave us, already inside of us. There may be some things that has to happen to manifest for it to come, or for us to realize that we have it, but we have it. See, god, he's intentional. He don't just do anything. You know, he's not making up as he's going along. He knows what he did. Think about it. Let's just think about it. Let's start from the beginning.

Speaker 1: 3:03

Okay, uh, he created what he created. He created light, he created day, created night, he created the waters, he created the sea and everything, and then he created the fish and the beast and man. And then he created the fish and the beast and man. Guess what? No one taught the fish how to swim, it automatically knew what it needs to do in order for it to survive as a baby.

Speaker 1: 3:36

When our babies are born, we're not said this is how you suck. Look, watch me. No, okay, the babies understood and knew to suck, and we may had to be encouraged by, you know, under the chin and stroking under the chin. However, because remember, as far as I think I'm concerned, babies can't like see, right, I think they can't see, so you can't even how could you even teach them how to suck? They just knew what to do. Correct. So whatever we needed to do to survive and to make it, it's already in us. And so if you're like, hey, what I'm supposed to do, it's already inside of you. You know what it is, you think about it every single day. You go to sleep, you dream about it, you wake up, you dream about it, like you see it. It's like let's just do it, let's be about our work, um, and not just working to you know, let's be about what he really creates to be okay. With all that being said, um, let's get into the second episode now, if I don't know if I put it on here or not, but you'll see.

Speaker 1: 4:43

But if I had a subtitle for this part two. It would be facts versus the truth, facts versus the truth. And this I will say in the last few weeks, okay, God has really been dealing with me about facts versus the truth, in a way. This is something that this is how I approach. I have been approaching how he has been placing before me, even with my own stuff, with my own, as I think about myself and things like that. And you know, it's facts versus the truth.

Speaker 1: 5:33

It is facts versus the truth, which is why, when Jesus' first words on the cross was Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. That's the truth. Facts is that they beat him. Facts is they lied on him. Facts is they was right that they was auctioned off his stuff while he was even on the cross. Facts is they mocked him. Facts is they didn't like him. Facts is they hated him, and that can go down the list. It's multiple. Facts is we were all his enemies, yet he still died. You know, the truth is we was enemies, but yet he still died for us.

Speaker 1: 6:18

And even though we did things after the cross, let's just go from here Like he knew. Facts is he knew that. And after the cross. Let's just go from here. He knew facts. He knew that Elisa was going to say hey, if you get me out of this, I ain't going to never do it again. Facts was she was going to do it again. The truth is she don't know what she's doing. She didn't really understand what's you know. And the truth is she don't know what she's doing. She didn't really understand what's you know. And the truth is I died. I knew this was going to happen. We already put things in place. So, facts versus truth. But that's when he looks at the facts and these are real facts. These are not, you know, fake news. This is things that have happened. This is what happened, what was done. But the truth is we're going to. Can you please forgive them because they know they don't know what they're doing. They really don't know what they're doing. They're really blinded to what they're doing and so. So that is that's it.

Speaker 1: 7:28

Um, people, um, they come in contact with me, um, not just come, but are in contact with me, whether and work, um, church, whatever, and really talk to me. I get you know. Whatever leisure thing I do, whatever case may be family-wise, they try to understand my approach to with people, should I say right, with people in general? And I get this notion as if people feel as though that I'm trying to persuade them to think my way sometimes and they cannot hear what I'm saying, or things oh, they like, oh no. People take my approach to the people and say, well, they just walking all over you, you're allowing them to bully you. That's not it. You're too kind, you're too nice and all those things.

Speaker 1: 8:50

But in reality it is facts versus the truth. And my last episode I told you that he created me to really go after the truth. And the truth is not easy. I'm gonna tell you that right there. No, like there are some times I wish that I can just be like oh, the facts is you hurt, you hurt me. The facts is you talked about me. Look, I've been listen.

Speaker 1: 9:07

When I really get into now, I think, especially if I'm on Patreon, I can really tell you my whole story. You're going to look at me like it's crazy. I have been raped, I've been molested, I have been hurt. I had church hurt. I bullied Okay, like from third bully, teased. Like I just I didn't have a great child. Like I think even in school wasn't that great. I think K to two, 10 to 12 was the best years of school in my life Up until then. Crazy stuff, ok, and it's not even all of 10th grade, it was like half of 10th grade. And so I mean he's bullied. We ain't just talking about in school, we talk about out of school, we talk about it now we just listen.

Speaker 1: 10:05

I've been through it a lot. I've been through a lot and so I'm not one to sit here and be like, oh, it was all flowers, rainbows. Okay, because it was not. It was not peaches, it was not strawberries and cream, it was not. It was not strawberries and cream was not. It was not not at all. And the most people that hurt me was not outside of my house, like it was family, like it was a lot. I went through hurt more than them. I learned from family that to get you physical, emotional hurt is the thing and that right there. And that's why I tell people I'm not even that nice, because I learned from them oh, emotional hurt, see, the emotional hurt really hurts and it's going to stick with you. That emotional abuse is really it. And so I adapted to that. So I was nice-ish and I was quiet on purpose and I'll allow people to make their own assumptions of me.

Speaker 1: 11:00

So let me say, like in elementary school, we'll say, like the third I don't know where they got it from more so a fourth grade, somehow, they just just knew elisa was just like a punk, she can't fight, none of that stuff. Now, technically, I really didn't always fight for myself, I always fought for everybody else. Again, that's a different podcast episode. We, we're going to all of that. But, um, and so they were like, oh, she can't fight, she can do. So they just, they just decided just to bully me. Just, I'm just going to bully her, I'm just going to tease him, just go make a, you know whatever. And you know I took I didn't really have, and so, just so you know, you have the same people in your class from, you know, from one grade to the next and the next.

Speaker 1: 11:49

And so when we got to fifth grade, when I got to fifth grade, it still was that Now I was smart, ok, and there was a very small number of I'm not going to say other smart people, but for those who was getting all A's, it was only two of us and it was me and my best friend and so, but I wasn't one who was getting smarties and walking around like I hired, I hired, I hired, we go, listen, I can help you. They ain't one help. They was mad at me and bully me because you're smart and I'm not getting it. I don't understand that. That's not my fault, I can't help it. But so that's what happened and we used to get it together the weapon, because it does take me a long time for you really to, for me to really react to you.

Speaker 1: 12:55

I have a lot of patients, more than I don't know, and people, like I said, they did a lot to me. Going to school was brutal, every single day. I never told my parents. They never known, because what I don't know, it is what it is. A lot of children don't tell the people what's going on in school. Did you tell your parents what you did in school, what happened in school? Most likely you didn't.

Speaker 1: 13:14

So, with all that being said, I realized that I had a weapon, and the weapon was because you expected I can't fight, I'm a punk, I'm too nice, I'm this. Whatever case it be that I'm never going to do anything. So what happens is you tell me everything and everybody was telling me everything. They were telling me all of their, basically their secrets, you know, and I had the blueprint. So if I ever needed, I got you and I remember I had it.

Speaker 1: 13:45

Listen, because you didn't use, I was quiet and I and I and I've first of all, I'm a very detailed person, so I observe most people. When they first meet me, I don't say too much, why? Cause I observe. Let me see our scope of room. Let me figure this out first. Let me figure you out, and I can see right through you. So I told you enough, I'm going to go past me so I can see right through you.

Speaker 1: 14:07

So I knew what you know. I could probably kill you twice and get away with it, because no one's going to expect Elisa to do that, right, okay, because she's so nice and she just you know, whatever, but I'm not that really that nice and I I'm not that really that nice. And I knew and I'm not going to get you physically again. I learned early that physical stuff eventually it wears off, but the emotional it will stick with you. You can have 10 people say how great you are, that one person that say you horrible. That stick with you for the rest of your life until you, you know, get your life right and be like you know what. Let me throw away this one person, because 10 people are saying whatever. So I understood that again early.

Speaker 1: 14:47

Remember, we was able to comprehend things at an early age. So so, facts versus truth. So that's how I, you know, approach things, approach things, especially people, so so so I'm going to start off, I guess where a lot of this. I won't say a lot, but I guess, in a way, the foundation of this facts versus the truth approach that I have, that I always had. I didn't always utilize it to some degree, because that's not the most popular approach. The most popular approach is facts.

Speaker 1: 15:50

This is what you did to me and you do not deserve no type of grace because you hurt me. You did this to me, Point blank, period. That's how we think. That's how we as human beings, including myself, think. You did this to me, you harmed me, this is your fault, like you know all of that. You don't deserve grace. We're not going to talk about whether I deserve grace or not, but what we're talking about is the fact that you don't, because you hurt me. Right, you harmed me, and so we have this victim ontology. So, but like I'm not saying, first of all, I'm never going to tell you that I never did anything wrong, because I know I did and, intentionally and unintentionally, everybody has let everybody down. Every person in my life has let me down, but I have also let every person in my life down as well.

Speaker 1: 16:45

And one thing that when I talk and I'm given this understanding, when I have an approach against people, where I look at facts but I see the truth and I choose to go to the truth, because when it comes to me, that's what Jesus see, he goes straight to the truth, right, and we can say, oh well, um, I'm not Jesus, okay, whatever. But there's people in my life that I wouldn't have gotten here had they not seen the truth instead of the facts and gave me grace when I didn't deserve it. That's just that's. We all can, some we may, can all see in some shape or form. There were some people that gave us grace when we did not deserve it. There's some people that gave us, um, you know, because we would say, in order to get respect, you have to give it. Well, we don't always deserve respect, and it may have been a person here or there that gave it to you.

Speaker 1: 17:48

Now, what Right? And so that's why, for me, I give it regardless, because I know for sure I know me, I know that I did not deserve grace or no respect and I was given from people, from family members and other people, teachers, okay, because, especially when I was struggling, when my dad was leaving, in middle school and the different things, and even in ninth grade in high school, when my dad I live with my father and he wanted it, you know the struggle that I was going through with me living with him and the, what it costs between me and my sister not sisters, but sister and the when he was thinking about getting custody of me and all of that. And I was going through all of that, there was my teacher who was like, who could have failed me but did not. She understood, there's the facts, but here's the truth, and she decided to go with the truth and then I fell me. So, like this, you know, it's we. So in some way we will want people to go with the truth, like, hey, I'm struggling, um, cause sometimes that was me too. Like, don't you see that I'm struggling? Don't you see I'm depressed? Don't you see that, like I got issues, I got anxieties too. It's not always about you and your anxieties and how you would just whatever sometime and it's like. But no, because I got. And most of my anxiety is because I felt like no one wants to give me the grace that I give them. Um, because we're not allowed.

Speaker 1: 19:34

Like I grew up learned. I grew up learned. I grew up me myself, because I have seen things done to my mother where there was when she was depressed and needed help, like she really really need help and in a way that she would have necessarily admitted to. But if you really open your eyes and pay attention, you can see. But instead of helping, she received backlash. She received so much in like verbal, emotional abuse.

Speaker 1: 20:18

And I remember as a child seeing this and seeing my mother like just take it and still give, like she still gave more than she really have. And I'm not just talking about as far as like um, you know, I'm not just talking about like financially, like you know or you know, but I'm talking about herself. She still was giving and she didn't really have anything left but she gave it to them. Now sometimes I get mad because she was giving it to everybody else and didn't give it to us. But at the same time it was just like and then my dad just like I'm out of here, right, he left. Now, um, we'll talk about that in my father's, you know, for my father's day special, whatever episode, but, um, and I'll get more into that, but with that he left and so then, like, like the depression just like magnified. And then so I, and I remember, I think about what was it? Well, this was before he actually left. I know he was going to, was it before he left? Yeah, this was fifth grade. So this was before he actually physically left, because he wasn't always there in the house.

Speaker 1: 21:35

So, and I remember, in fifth grade, someone asked me, um, because, okay, let's start over. So I told you that people just got this assumption that I can't fight, I can't, you know, whatever, and and I just get, and I was getting bullied every day. People just, you know, on purpose. So there's one day, um, this person, uh, felt like they had an easy target and they kept targeting me because Elisa don't not gonna fight me, because she get bullied all the time. But in reality I guess you could say I was getting, I was chosen to get bullied. Because, to me, I felt like this is what this is, what, um, I don't know, this is what I don't know. I felt like this is what we're supposed to do.

Speaker 1: 22:21

This is what I saw, um, and so I, this girl, I don't know, we was walking home and then she just caught me on the wrong day. Um, she was in my class and I look at somebody I don't know she's in my class and I got somebody I don't know she's in my class and she just caught me in the wrong day. She just kept hitting me. I just turned around, bam, like you know and not the girl, hit her for a couple times, whatever case it be, and kept and then just kept it moving, went home, right. So when I was walking, other people saw this fight and again, I tell you, she was in my class.

Speaker 1: 23:01

So the next time we came to class I was like yo, elisa, like you really can fight, like what, what are you doing here? Right? And then the ones down, the ones that was bullying me, they ain't touched me ever again, right? This is the time they didn't touch me ever, nevermore. Oh, she really can fight. I'm, I'm literally for alone.

Speaker 1: 23:23

They didn't say nothing else to me for the most part, but one of the girls. She asked me because, although they were bullying me, although they treated me horribly, my days was not great and, as part of how I felt about myself, I'm gonna let you know and I'm gonna be that, um, if they asked for a pencil, if they asked for anything, I would have no problem, right, I would still give to them, and with no bad intentions behind it. And, um, so, after this fight and after this happened, like this wasn't right away, but it was like wow, like a way, the girl asked me. She said if you like, if you can fight and you know, like you really can, like, like you were, I can see that you was a scary, whatever case and be then why you allow people to do this to you. And I was just just like I don't know, that's just that's what. Just that's, that's just what we do.

Speaker 1: 24:24

And when I say we, I was talking about like me, my mother and my sisters. We just take on a lot of stuff and still give anyway, regardless, right, and still give anyway, regardless, right. So, um, I felt like, especially that time, it was like me, my mom against the world. Me, my mom, my sisters, against the world and um so so, with all that being said, right, um, you would think that I really grew up, you know, just hating people to some degree and I, you know, I didn't necessarily hate people. I think sometimes people feel like I hate them. I don't hate them, I learned.

Speaker 1: 25:17

I also learned earlier that people do not take responsibility and account of basically accountability for the things they've done. Like if there's multiple times that I have may have said something like, hey, you did this, and they'd be like, oh no, but you did this. My sister, me, my sister has a very complicated relationship just for this one thing right here is accountability, and so you know, so I, to some degree, I stayed away clear. So, through different stages of my life, there's this one thing there's facts versus truth. Now, I try so hard, I'm gonna tell you the truth. I did.

Speaker 1: 26:01

I tried so hard, and multiple times, to just stick with the facts and forget the truth, even though I saw the truth, even though god was like, listen, listen. I'm like, no, I don't care about people, I don't care whatever case it be, just multiple facets of my life and stages of my life. We're just gonna stick with the facts, because they stick with the facts with me. Um, they were like, oh, you look a hot mess. They don't know that I'm struggling, they don't know that we really are struggling at home. We ain't got this, we got that. Like, oh, they don't know the stuff, they just sitting there and then, if they do give, it gives us something it was to use against us, like they don't understand. So we like no, don't give because I hate it receiving, because of the tensions behind people and what they was giving in. So but he said no, elisa, you're this facts versus truth, let's go here.

Speaker 1: 26:46

I do sometimes wish I could just do facts. I mean, I see it and I'm like I don't, you know, but if it was just facts versus truth, he would never die for us, die for me. And because we were his enemies, he didn't wait till we get it together before he died. He did it when we was trash and he knew, you know, and not just trash, but our enemies. Like you get him saying like we were, like you think about your worst enemy, whether it was as today, or it was when you was a kid or whenever, and then you go say I'm gonna die for you, you be like whatever, right, but that's what he did, that's what jesus did, and he really requires us to do that, just that to be facts versus the truth, and choose truth and not choose just the facts. Because, at the end of the day, we really want people to choose the truth and choose truth and not choose just the facts. Because, at the end of the day, we really want people to choose the truth and not the facts. Like, choose that I, I'm struggling, I hurt, just like you hurt.

Speaker 1: 27:45

I bleed, just like you bleed. I think people I don't know people just I guess people just assume that I was like I'm a, a mutant, yeah, um, like this is like, you know, this is the x-men over here, you know, and I'm one of them. Like you know, I'm not mutant, I'm human. Okay, I bleed, I'd be angry. I was the majority of my first of all majority of my life. I feel like I was. Always I was depressed, um, I think, um, so, just like other people like me, god, we working on some stuff now, cause I feel like I've been raising most for most of my children's life Aside of last year, my children been raised under depression cause I was oppressed most of my adult years. And so, like it's, you know, it's a lot.

Speaker 1: 28:35

In a way, we hear it over and over again that, yes, hurt people, hurt people. We don't like it sometimes because and I'm because that means like what, what does that mean that hurt people? Hurt people like we understand that, because when we hurt and we realize that we have hurt people, you know, we want people to understand I was hurting too, it wasn't my intention to hurt you, but I'm hurting as well, I'm grieving as well, whatever the case may be, but it's hard for us to understand that. Okay, they hurt me because they was hurting, no-transcript, and because in reality, we pick and choose what truth we want to actually really, uh, you know, like we wouldn't, what we'd want to choose to accept and like this, like we wouldn't, we wouldn't choose to accept and like this. So if you see a child who comes, matter of fact, let me start.

Speaker 1: 30:10

So I was just starting to listen to this podcast. I can't remember what it was, but they was talking about how different things, different situations where people have gotten into things, different situations where people have gotten into, and when you hear that situation like um, oh, they did, they were stealing. They look as a thief but didn't realize. Well, they stole because they needed money, cause they had no money for to eat and they had to feed the kids and needed pampers, right? So some, some people will say you still a thief, that's facts. Some people will say you're still a thief, that's facts. But the truth is they're trying to survive, right?

Speaker 1: 30:42

So some of us will choose to just want to stick with the facts and then not the truth, right. But we pick and choose, and a lot of times, for real, for real to be like everybody else and go with just the facts all the time. But the reality is I can't. And not just because what if everybody just went with just the facts with me? I don't know where I would be. Will God himself just want the facts, even with me, and not the truth? I definitely don't know where I would be. And so I want us to challenge. So, when we really look at the facts versus the truth, when we deal with people and I guess I'm continue on in this uh, I guess this, this theme of facts versus truth, because, um, in reality, um, this is, this is again, it's okay, I'm aware that I'm rare, I do I go facts for the truth I come with.

Speaker 1: 32:05

It's not like I'm I'm not condoning what people do, but we all are flawed individuals. Every last one of us are flawed individuals. As much as we say we will never do something, let's let you really get into the right situation. You will really be tested on what you supposedly would never do. Right, if you want to say, oh, I would never do this because, like my mom or my dad or whatever, did that to be in the right situation, you really will be surprised what you really would not do or never do Right. Be surprised what you really would not do or never do right. The reason why we have that saying never, say never, because all you have to do is be put in the right situation. For the most part, for real, for real, all you really got to do is really be put in the right situation, be in the right situation with the right mindset. But basically it's not just the situation, it's our perception of the situation and so it's all about perception.

Speaker 1: 33:08

One thing about me is that, again, like I said, I grew up in a church, so that was my foundation and all of my favorite if I ever had favorites scriptures or things that really sat with me are not the easy ones. It ain't the ones that, and there's nothing wrong with the scriptures, I'm just saying my favorites. I think the lightest one is I was blessed a little at times and his praise will continue to be in my mouth. But even with that, so it's not necessarily easy, because what you're saying is, um, I'm not going to complain, I'm not going to be in my mouth. But even with that, so it's not necessarily easy, because what you're saying is, um, I'm not going to complain, I'm not going to right, because if I'm, if his praise is in my mouth all the time, then there's no room for complaining, there's no room for discouragement, right? There's no room for a whole bunch of other stuff that I actually be saying out my mouth instead of praising them, because in reality I'm supposed to praise them for everything right and all things, give thanks, right.

Speaker 1: 34:06

So even that itself it's not necessarily a good thing, but one of my main like something as a child, and I'm gonna give you, like I told you my mother, she did a good job of making sure that we understood and how to not just read but comprehend what we're reading, right? I'll tell you that I told you that. So, and I remember this day, I remember the day when I really Got the revelation of this one scripture, and this one scripture is very popular, but even as 37, as I continue to hear it and people say it, I still wonder if people really pay attention to really what is what he's saying. And this and um, the scripture is trusting the lord with all that heart and lean, not to understand. I'm gonna stop right there, my favorite part, and then we always just do the other part in all that ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path. Right. So I'm not all of that is great.

Speaker 1: 35:11

Every last part is Christian, but the main thing that always stuck out to me, even as a little girl, was lean, not to your own understanding. Girl was lean, not to your own understanding. I think that people don't pay attention to that part right there. Actually, I know for sure they don't pay attention to that part right there because it's that part right there that, basically, is that line between facts versus truth, between facts versus truth. That right there is the where you make the choice of hey, um, me versus God, period, right, because he clearly say first of all, am I, I will say immature young person it I went off of. Okay, let's just break this down. I'm a kid. So this?

Speaker 1: 36:00

Because immediately when I heard read that said lean not to your own understanding, why we can't lean to our own understanding. Now, I grew up in a church and again we heard, like I said, we didn't just hear the word, but the word was singing. One of the songs that we used to sing was leaning on your everlasting arm and one of the verses that that we're safe and secure. Right, so when we lean on his everlasting arm, we're secure. But this scripture said lean not to your own understanding. So, therefore, if we lean on your everlasting arm, I'm safe and secure, but if I lean on my understanding, I'm not safe and secure. Because you said lean not right. And I remember I couldn't wait to go home to actually uh, dig deep into this because, um, I just had my understanding, like why I can't lean to my own understanding, like what does that really mean?

Speaker 1: 36:50

And I remember picturing two scenarios the scenarios where, in areas where, as a child, um, either I was told or other people was told, especially in school, um, where we were not to lean on something right, a lot of times we was told when we're in line or something like that, and we're supposed to be standing in line, but we go and lean on the water, like do not lean on the walls, right, um, for whatever reasons and I'm thinking about what the wall does and what it looks like as where I'm leaning, putting all my weight on the wall. Then the another scenario which was was my favorite at that time was the chair. Okay, when we are in class or somewhere or whatever, and you start to rock right in the chair and they will tell you don't be leaning. You know, don't lean in a chair like that because you can fall. And then you will sit there and you go back and forth in the chair and they will tell you don't be leaning. You know, don't lean in a chair like that because you can fall. And then you will sit there and you'll go back and forth in the chair, back and forth, and then you gotta get told over and over again don't lean in the chair, you will fall.

Speaker 1: 37:48

And eventually now me first of all. Most times people was doing it, it was the boys, and when the boys was doing it, every now and then one will fall. Everybody laugh. Ha ha ha. You laugh at me because I always feel like I need to out boys, right, I got to be better than them. I had to prove I can do better than you, right? So technically I never fall because I always catch them, but it's time. So I almost fell. I had to, you know, quickly catch myself.

Speaker 1: 38:16

But to understand and lean on to your own understanding is that your understanding is not secure enough to sustain you in your way. Your perception of things are not. It's not secure, you're not safe and it won't sustain you. It won't sustain the weight, all the burdens, all everything that you have. It won't sustain you. And so then my mature self really paid attention.

Speaker 1: 38:44

Now, the fact is, I'm really looking at who actually wrote this song. You know this is. And um, the song of solomon actually wrote this for the one who had all the wisdom and it's telling you don't be trusting, do not trust your understanding, because it'll get you in trouble all the time. Okay, one who has the wisdom, who asks God. He said what do you? God said what do you want? I give you what you want. And he said I want wisdom. He said you got it right. He was wise and, with his wisdom, said hey, don't trust your understanding. Like, just throw that away, right, it's not secure. So our perception of things, of people, of everything is off. It's basically not right.

Speaker 1: 39:34

And this is why, even for growing up because, like people kept you know, I get a lot of backlash for how I see people, how I come to people and things like that and I'm not saying and even I was one that, like I didn't always want to forgive my father, I didn't always want to forgive my mother, I didn't want to forgive a whole lot of people. Again, I bleed, just like you bleed, and then, at the end of the day, the Lord had to remind me who was people. There are nobody but a finished product, just like you are A finished product that need to be molded, just like you do, who need to be broken down, just like you do. One that I died on a cross for, just like I did for you. One that I created, just like I created you. One that I created in my image, just like I created you, right? Yeah, there are some different things and there's some, whatever You're like.

Speaker 1: 40:26

Oh, that's not fair, because they just know. How are they supposed to know Some people you really don't know, because no one taught them. How do we expect people to just know something if they wasn't taught it? They should know what to do. They should know how to love. How, right? Because the only reason why I know how to love is because I received the love that God has given me. We love because he first loved us. If they have never received that love first, they don't know how to love unconditionally. You can say what you want, but you really don't know how to do it, right?

Speaker 1: 40:54

So it's facts versus truth, like the facts.

Speaker 1: 40:57

Yeah, the facts is there. You're so correct, we are so correct. The facts is there. The facts are we are flawed individuals. The facts, that's the facts. The facts are we are all flawed individuals. The facts, these are the facts.

Speaker 1: 41:16

And so if you try to understand, like oh no, I'm not too nice, it's facts versus truth, it's facts versus truth. Sometimes, yes, I wish I could, no, but at the end of the day he gets me like are you the right? And so I begin to pray for the truth and it gets the truth. And I come Now when I realize I'm at a place and it's a little harder for me to come to the truth, then you'll send me back away. I do I back away till I get myself right. Then come back Right, because it ain't always easy, for whatever reasons they are, depending on the person in the relationship and things. And I'm only saying this because just recently I really was, um, I was upset, I was angry because I was tired of the opposition that I was getting from people and everyone, um, the uh, because I'm not really trying to make you and persuade you to really believe facts. I'm really not. I'm really not Because I understand.

Speaker 1: 42:24

The only reason why I got to this is because me and God had some, had a process. It took me a minute to get here, right, it was a process I had to go through and dealing with and a lot of whatever. So I'm not expecting that and you would have to be willing and want to go through the process to really see that and understand how to deal with people. Because I wanted to heal in itself Like I wanted to heal. I didn't want to have to wait until people get it right for me to have peace. I wanted peace because he told me that I can change the atmosphere just with my presence, because he told me that I can do greater things than he did and he can change the atmosphere with just his presence, and I wanted the same.

Speaker 1: 43:14

So I can't wait for everyone else to realize like, oh, I did wrong and now I'm going to apologize, and now I'm, and that's when I decided to forgive. I didn't want to continue to keep doing it, because all my life I've been waiting for people to understand me, to understand that you hurt me, to understand that you offended me, to understand that you're not right, to understand that you abandoned me, and then and and to like all these stuff. I wanted people to really pay attention to what you're doing. That wasn't the right decision you made mom, or that wasn't the right decision you made dad, and you're supposed to do like I didn't want. I have all the family, people, everyone that talked about me. Yes, you did talk to me. I wanted you to understand. Like I did talk about you, I did not like you and tell the truth, like all these different things. Like I even say you know, I ain't gonna forgive until we have a conversation, like multiple things.

Speaker 1: 44:09

I wait. All my life I have waited for other people to try to meet me halfway and more. A lot of my relationships that I wanted to get better. I was always the one initiating and then I would. I used to take on more that belonged to me, just because I want our relationship to work. Then I would go around spiraling every five seconds because they didn't want to take accountability. So I was, since you're not taking taking accountability, it's like all this stuff Like, but I was, but it was stressful, it was hard, it was tormenting, it was a lot, and I know that I don't have to be this way because of who he is. And again, just like you know, and he said, like Lisa, like every stripe that I took for you, you was healed and you will be healed, and you still are healed. Right, you are healed, and so I don't need to wait until people get it right for me to get it right. That's where I am. I'm not expecting everybody else to be there. That is a decision that you have to make, because, at the end of the day, jesus did not wait till I get it right before he died for me. He didn't do the same thing for you, but for you have to make a decision for yourself to do the same. And so I'm going to say this and I'm going to finish I was a little upset because I was tired of the opposition that people was giving me with this Right, and they was just like, oh, no one thinks like you.

Speaker 1: 45:54

And I was tired, like I heard it all my life. So I was just pissed off, like if I hear this one more time I'm gonna slap somebody like. I was just angry, like I don't care, right and um so, and then I was. Then what made me more angry is because I really start to think about everyone that was saying that, baby, glad that I'm not like everybody else, because you will be way worse off. I'm not boosting myself up, but at the same time, if I was like everyone else and treated you like everyone else, baby, you can't even imagine where you be.

Speaker 1: 46:37

Okay, the fact that I chose true set of facts and still was nice and still helped and still poured in and still encouraged and whatever, whatever, still I mean took all the flack. I mean this I ain't gonna be saying, but there's some people that I took a lot from them and you couldn't even tell, because I still treat them with love, like unconditional love. I still was kind. You need me, I got you, I still pray, I still defended you against people who said I want nothing to do with them. But I saw the truth, like listen, they don't know what they're doing, it's okay, but this is how you and trying to help people to really still want to be with you and you want to come at me like that. You're going to come at me like I felt some type of way I was like you know what, I'm just gonna bunk you because it doesn't matter. Like I'm the last person you got, like I'm I'm the last one on your side, some of these people, like I'm the last one on your side, and you're gonna come at me. Like you, you understand what you're doing. And then you know God slapped me.

Speaker 1: 47:46

He did at least to get your life right, because it's facts versus truth, let's go. And so that's when he really was breaking it down. At least it's facts versus truth. And reminded me of that Um cause. That way he was teaching. He taught me. And when I did, uh, one of the last seven, when I did the last seven words a couple of years ago and I had the father forgive the first, father, forgive them the first word, and he taught me facts versus truth then and said this is where I this is what I require of you to do, and so we got our life right.

Speaker 1: 48:23

We're still working on that, actually, in a lot of areas of my life, okay, because it's not the most popular one, but that's the one that he's, that he's requiring me to be and to do, and so, regardless of whether you like it or not right People like it or not I got to do and so, regardless whether you like it or not, right people like it or not I gotta do it this way. So I'm not expecting people to really persuade, I'm just letting you know. I'm just I'm a. I will present it to you and, of course, you can make your own choices right, but I present that the really thing is facts versus truth, that your parents and I'm saying this because I I don't, I'm not mad at angry or whatever I understand facts versus truth, even with my parents.

Speaker 1: 49:07

So, um, which I will really dive into each and every one in those areas, because I know that is something that people are really struggling with when it comes to the parents and the things they have done and everything, and how to still now be parents yourself when you're still holding on to a lot of, because it's not always the day some people didn't have great mothers or had great mother relationship, and me and my mother wasn't always there. I'm going to let you know the rest in there, but so, but it's facts versus truth. So, um, that is, if this one again, yes, I really do want to do, um, I think, now a patreon so that I can really, I really want to dive deeper into this even and more so. So be on the lookout, um, for bonus content in this with this, for and Patreon and everything else, and I will let you know that.

Speaker 1: 50:07

But until next time and the next episode, you might challenge you to begin to look. I just challenge you to begin to try to change your perception. Try to give people the same grace you expect people to give you, in a way, because we expect people to try to understand us and our issues or whatever case may be. Well then, give other people the same thing and not looking for something back all the time, you know. So, with all that, I will see you when I see you. I keep saying see you, and I'm not going to see you until I get the video. Then we can actually see each other, but until then, thanks for listening.